After the Victory

It has been two days since my last post. For me, the past few days have been difficult. I started taking Chinese herbal medicine yesterday and my mood has been down and my physical discomfort has increased a bit during these past two days. My Christian interest isn't so much hardship right now as much as it is trying to find strength and victory in Christ. I have felt quite defeated and very pessimistic. I really feel a sense of spiritual warfare. This particular chapter is on spiritual warfare. 

"The Christian life is not a playground; it is a battleground, and we must be on our guard at all times. We never know when Satan will tempt us. Peter writes, "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour" (1 Peter 5:8). But sometimes Satan doesn't come as a roaring lion; he comes as a deceiving serpent, and we must be able to detect his traps and avoid them.

Paul warns us, "Let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall." The most dangerous time--the time that requires the most vigilance--is when we have won a victory. For some reason, after a victory, we let down our guard, we get overconfident, and this gives the enemy a chance to get in and defeat us." (pp. 75-76).

When I read this passage I thought back to my last few weeks in my graduate program. I remember sending out an update on my life around Easter time and feeling so positive about finishing strong in my graduate program and all the way home I felt so great. Then, not even a week back home and the physical and emotional and spiritual attack came and it has lasted ten weeks now. So what do we learn in the battles? The author provides some Biblical examples.

"To begin with, I think the Lord knows that our lives need balance. Just as creation is balanced with day and night, winter and summer, so our lives are balanced with various kinds of experiences. It is a great encouragement to know that God is in control of the circumstances of life as we walk in obedience to Him. If there is a victory, He is the One who gave it. If there is a testing after victory, He is the One who permitted it. We never have to be afraid of the seeming contradictory experiences of life

because our times are in His hands.

But there is another reason why testings often follow triumphs: the battles help us discover how much we really learned from the blessings. Elijah saw God send fire from heaven, yet Elijah ran for his life when Queen Jezebel threatened to kill him. Isn't the God who answers by fire able to protect His own servant? Of course He is! Or, take the apostles--they saw Jesus multiply a few loaves and fishes and realized what power He possessed, but somehow they couldn't trust Him to take care of them

during the storm!

The battle shows us what God can do; but the keeping of the victory shows what you and I are really made of. We get to know God better during the battle, but we get to know ourselves better during the victory. Elijah discovered God's power on Mount Carmel, and his own weakness on Mount Horeb. The disciples discovered Christ's power on land, but their own unbelief on the sea. The miracle of feeding the five thousand was the lesson for the day; but the storm was the examination after the lesson. Too often we don't learn the lesson until after we have failed the examination." (p. 78).

This is so true. God permits both victories and defeats to happen to us that we may learn from Him about His power and provision. God gave me victory in my last month in graduate school. I truly felt His power and provision over many challenging assignments. I really could not have done it without Him. Now, I see my complete weakness and utter defeat as I go through this season of my life. I realize now more than ever about my human weakness. I struggle now even walking five feet.

"When you start feeling overconfident, turn to the Lord and plead for His grace and mercy, because overconfidence opens the door for the enemy to rob us of the victory. This is why Jesus said, "Watch and pray" Keep your eyes open! Put no confidence in the flesh, no matter how good you may feel. Most of our losses don't take place during the battle; they take place after the victory." (p. 79).

Prayer:

Father, this feels somewhat like a short chapter, but a necessary one.. I felt this total sense of confidence and victory in my last month of graduate school and now in these ten weeks feel so down and defeated almost every day. It has been so difficult to maintain a positive outlook on life and on Your presence and power. I plead for Your grace and mercy in my life. I desire to be delivered from these thoughts of hopelessness about my condition and life itself.