Prayer Changes Us

Today marks the seven week period in which I have been back home in Sacramento. I remember that Tuesday as if it were yesterday. My mom picked us up from the airport. I could walk that day without pain or discomfort. I went up the stairs to my bedroom as if I did so thousands of times before without imagining one day that I could not make it up the stairs. Fast forward seven weeks and now I have joint pain in both knees and ankles, a condition that has made doctors puzzled at the cause. Prayer, without a doubt changes us. It is not the shallow, please bless sister Betty Sue and keep her safe kind of a prayer. No, the kind of prayer that changes us comes out of affliction and depression. I see more and more the limits and powerlessness of modern medicine and the failure of medical professionals to diagnose and treat my condition. Right now, and all along, the only one who can come through for me is my Father in heaven, if and when He chooses to bring healing.

The quote that opens up this chapter is one of my favorites so far.

Prayer is the most intimate activity I can share with God, the utmost in revelation, the place where I can bare my heart and soul before Him. In prayer I am made vulnerable to God, my truest self is revealed, and I find the promise that God is transforming this ragamuffin into royalty--a son of the King.

Terry Glaspey

Prayer is truly intimate communication. There was a time when prayer was shallow. That was when everything went well. I think it is in those times when we forget God and think we are self-sufficient. I know time constraints can also play a role in prayerlessness. Recently, in my hardship, I express all my fears, all my disappointments, and all my hopes to God. This situation has made prayer deeper and more meaningful. I do not wish for anyone to go through any kind of physical or spiritual hardship, but when it happens, it has the power to bring us farther from God or closer.

Sittser opens this chapter interestingly on the subject of hell. I too wonder why someone would discuss the issue of hell on a book about unanswered prayer. In this discussion he describes an idea fro Lewis:

"Lewis shows in the novel that the primary difference between hell and heaven is not the temperature or smell or noise or pain. The real difference has to do with who is at the center. God is at the center of heaven. People who go to heaven, therefore, must be willing to live forever in the presence of someone who is infinitely superior to them and who will force them, by the sheer power of his presence, to conform to his greatness. Upon entering heaven, people will have to change. It is impossible not to change when living in the presence of God.

The self is at the center of hell. People in hell can live as egoistically and selfishly as they want, totally absorbed by themselves. As strange as it might sound, they want to be in hell. Hell is the only place where people can play God without any obstacles or competition. As a character in The Great Divorce says, "There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, 'Thy will be done,' and those to whom God says, 'Thy will be done.' All that are in Hell, choose it."1 Lewis actually borrowed this idea from Dante, who said that the door of hell is locked from the inside, not from the outside. Hell is where many people want to be." (pp. 149-150).

I have always believed that people choose hell just like people choose God. I did not however see it the way it is just described. It makes so much sense. People who do not choose God make a choice to choose themselves. Self-gratification, self-promotion,, and self-interest are at the heart of many who don't choose God. My dad and I recently have talked to several family friends who do not believe in God. I see how so many don't want God to be at the center of their lives. That is human nature to want to be self-focused.

Sittser then describes why he has began this chapter on the discussion of hell:

"We pray because we want the world to be different, to be changed for the better, to be improved according to the will of God. So in our prayers we ask God to change the world out there somewhere, the world external to the self. Obviously "the world" that most concerns us is the world of our own immediate experience--home, church, neighborhood, local schools, city, and place of work. We pray that our spouse will become more loving, that our church will become more unified, that our community will become more open to outsiders." (p. 150).

Prayer is not for the self-focused, but for those who pray Thy will be done. His will be done in our lives, our families, in our church and community. We want all that is not right in the world to be redeemed to God's glory. Prayer changes us.

Not only do we pray for God's will to be done in the world external to us, but we must also pray for God's will to be done in us:

"So in our prayers we should also ask God to change us. He can then use us, as transformed people, to help change the world.

We won't pray rightly, therefore, unless we're willing to admit that we need to change as much as the world needs to change, if not more so. For example, we need to learn to love others as much as they need to learn to love us; we need to forgive as much as be forgiven; we need to strive for peace 'as much as we need others to make peace with us. Not that we should stop praying for others; but we must pray for our own transformation at the same time, even allowing God to use the faults of others--our unanswered prayers!--to change us." (p. 151).

Right now, I am learning so much about my imperfections like my doubts, my fears, my discouragement. All these would not come to surface unless my present condition happened. I have been humbled by my circumstances. Likewise, for Sittser, when his wife, mother, and child died in the car accident, his weaknesses were exposed as a single father. The hardship changed him.

"I needed prayer as much as they did. Perhaps they behaved like "bad" children for that short stretch of time--fighting, whining, blaming, and defying. Then again, I behaved like a "bad" father, too--yelling, threatening, nagging, and lecturing. Ironically, God used their faults to correct my own. In the end God was gracious to us all. They became better children, and I became a better father." (p. 153).

It is hard to be a parent even with a spouse. It becomes so much more difficult when a spouse is no longer there. Sittser faced that challenge and parenting became so difficult with him losing his patience and his children acting out. God used that time and his late nights in prayer to change him and to change his kids. God changes us.

In his contrast between self-focused and God-focused prayer, Sittser turns to the example of the prodigal son in Luke 15. He talks about how the prodigal son begins with the son ordering his dad to give him his inheritance. This would be extremely disrespectful to ask a father before his death. At the end of the parable the prodigal son is left penniless and alone. He comes home and his request is to come back as a hired servant to his dad. The parable begins with a "give me" prayer and ends with a "make me" prayer.

"Many of our "give me" prayers are legitimate, and we ought to pray them. I have spent hours saying such prayers, and most of them, as I look back over the years, were good prayers to pray. There is nothing wrong with asking God for what he wants to give us, such as the conversion of our children, fruitfulness in our ministries, and peace in the world. But "make me" prayers are good, too, though more threatening to pray. There is something open-ended about such prayers. We give God the freedom to make of us what he wills--and what he wills is that we become like Christ. You may be a stronger believer than me. It would not surprise me if you were! But I find such a prayer both exciting and frightening. We are, after all, talking about God here. He is our Father; but he is also Lord. We cannot have one without the other.

God's greatest gift to us is the Holy Spirit; our gift to God is simply ourselves, offered as living sacrifices. Now only one thing remains. God needs a tool--say, a chisel--to do this transforming work. The tool God uses most often is adversity that is, difficulty, hard times, irritations, struggles, opposition, and suffering." (p. 161).

Yes, make me prayers are dangerous. It is both exciting and frightening. Growth especially maturing and transforming growth is difficult. I like how Sittser creates this tension that God is both our Father and Lord. He is our Father, provider, protector, and parent. Yet He is also Lord. He desires our maturity and that doesn't come easy.

"Yet I cannot fathom what we would do without suffering either. I have come to this conclusion with great hesitation. Adversity strips us down, exposes us, and breaks us, all prerequisites for genuine growth in the spiritual life. Sometimes old cars have to be torn apart before they can be properly restored to mint condition. Suffering makes us aware of our need, our weakness, and our sinfulness. It drives us to God.

In our adversity God becomes present and active. The gift he gives us in our hour of deepest need is himself, nothing more and nothing less, though we might not always see it or know it at the time. As with many epic journeys, some things only become apparent in retrospect. God might seem as distant as some far-off galaxy when our need seems greatest. During those periods we must choose to believe that he is somehow present, which requires us to do the hard work of learning to live by faith. At such times we must believe what the Genesis account of Joseph's story repeats, "The Lord was with Joseph," even though Joseph himself had little reason to believe it at the time. We might not see the reason for a long time, though it will eventually come, in this life or the next.

Rotting in prison?--God is there, leading us to repentance. Lying on our deathbed?--God is there, comforting us." (p. 163).

These moments are the most difficult in our faith journey and Joseph is the reminder. The text mentions so many times that the Lord was with Joseph. In the prison cell, and in slavery, it is so clear to us, but did he know? We need that assurance when we go through hardship that God is with us.

"Like Kolbe, the real heroes in life are those who respond to adversity with dignity, faith, and patience. All we must do is be attentive to the little irritations and problems we face every day, asking the question, "What is God trying to do in my life?" And then pray, "God, use this adversity to transform me." This might be the most difficult prayer you will ever pray because of the circumstances you face. It might take all the faith you can muster just to say those words. I urge you, nevertheless, to pray them, and then wait for God to answer it." (p. 165)

Prayer:

Father, I have been really challenged today on this issue of adversity. We like the "give me" prayers but shy away from the "make me" prayer. It is dangerous to pray that kind of prayer. But, prayer is not about us as much as it is about You, Your Kingdom and will being accomplished. Already, You have humbled me with my joint situation and joblessness. I remain totally dependent on You for help and for hope. Yet, as this chapter reminds me, You are with us in our hardships, even though we sometimes can't see it. Remind me Father that You are near and still sovereign even in our weakness.