heaven's tree book club

September 12, 2012
The Plight of Pauperhood
Today was a reminder of grace. My dad's Chinese fellowship group has about 8-10 elderly women. From time to time he will provide therapeutic massage to them for no cost. Well, one particular woman had a plastic bag that contained a box. This is normal, my dad often gets vegetables, teas, and different food items as an appreciation gift. In honor of the autumn moon festival, she gave my dad mooncake. My dad didn't know this until he got home. Also in the box was a red envelope that young kids get during Chinese new year. She gave a very generous amount and also a gift card for some chocolates. My dad didn't ask for the many gifts, but it simply came. We went out for an evening snack after dinner with mom and dad. This too was a reminder of grace. My dad thought he ordered three items, but he really ordered two, some mango pudding, and salted pig's feet. She gave us free soup and two additional mango puddings at no cost. I really like this waitress not just because she has given us free soup and free dessert each time but for her prompt and friendly service which is a rarity in Chinese restaurants. These moments remind me of the abundance that God gives us each day.

"IT all started on a bright summer day in the first year of the new millennium when Nancy, my personal assistant, entered my office looking rather troubled. After making small talk I decided to risk asking her what was bothering her. Nancy has a reputation for telling the truth. Her gaze penetrating my soul she said, "Sometimes you say things that hurt people's feelings. You're important to the people around you and you seem completely unaware of how much people value what you think of them. You are devastating people with your words." She went on to remind me of a comment I had made earlier. I thought I was being funny, but apparently I had actually made her my latest victim. I apologized to her, but honestly I really didn't think much of it. After all, I thought, Nancy is very sensitive and I have been used to being "misunderstood" most of my life. I went on with my day and pretty much forgot about our conversation.
That night I went to bed, fell asleep, and had a dream. In the dream a voice kept repeating this Scripture, "Under three things the earth quakes, and under four, it cannot bear up: under a pauper when he becomes a king" (Prov. 30:21-22 a). At three in the morning I woke up, feeling groggy but experiencing a deep sense of grief. 1 sat up against my headboard and tried to gather my thoughts.
Then I heard the Lord, who also seemed grieved, ask me, "Do you know why the earth cannot hold up under a pauper when he becomes a king?"
"No," I said, "But I have a feeling that You're going to tell me." The Lord continued, "A pauper is born into insignificance. As he grows up he learns through life that he has no value and his opinions don't really matter.Therefore, when he becomes a king, he is important to the world around him but he still feels insignificant in the kingdom that lies within him. Subsequently, he doesn't watch his words or the way he carries himself. He ultimately destroys the very people he is called to lead. You, my son, are a pauper who has become a king."
Through the wee hours of the morning the Lord began to teach me about my identity as a prince. He took me to various Scriptures and showed me how important it is for His leaders to carry themselves as princes and princesses because we are sons and daughters of the King. The first example He showed me was Moses. He asked me, "Do you know why Moses had to be raised in Pharaoh's house?"
"No," I said.
"Moses was born to lead the Israelites out of slavery. Moses had to be raised in Pharaoh's house so that he would learn how to be a prince and not have a slave's mentality. A leader who is in slavery internally cannot free those who are in slavery externally. The first 40 years of Moses' life were just as important as the 40 years he spent in the wilderness."
When the Lord said this, it opened a door into Moses' experience for me. I began to imagine what it must have been like for him to be raised as a son of the king. He would have always known he was significant. He would have been used to people paying attention to what he said and did. He would have been accustomed to being accepted and loved. I am sure that everyone would laugh at his jokes, even when they weren't funny!"
I've wrestled with a sense of worthlessness my entire life. It will not make sense to many because I have received more formal education than the average American and doing so with high marks. I've grown up in a middle-class household and have been able to travel internationally. Yet still, I have wrestled with a sense of worthlessness. I'm not charismatic and good looking and haven't had any opportunities for dating, but I imagine even if I had the admiration and affection of women, it would ultimately be empty. I feel worthless when I see that there is no meaning in my life. Like, right now, I have nothing to look forward to except for seeing Jesus. I am sure a job will not solve that as we can not find ultimate meaning in our jobs. More than ever I wrestle with these questions of meaning. Being raised in royalty, we are surrounded by the reminders of significance. Yet, we as sons and daughters of the King do not have a physical palace. Our palace is spiritual and so that makes it ten times harder to be in tuned to our identity.
"I saw that without that confidence he would never have felt empowered to do anything to help his Hebrew brothers. In fact, if he'd been raised as a slave, it might never have occurred to him to do anything about the injustice he perceived. As a prince and a Hebrew, the contrast between his situation and theirs created a conflict in his soul that he had to do something about. It was unjust that he was well-treated and they weren't.They were significant too.
Unfortunately, when he first tried to step in to help them, their slave mentality kept them from understanding where he was coming from. He thought they deserved to be treated like he was, but they thought he was just trying to be important when he really wasn't: "Who made you a prince?"Their mind-sets were in complete conflict.
The more I thought about the kind of person Moses must have been, the more I saw what kind of people we can be when we have been taught that we are significant and are not insecure about who we are. I also saw that I was not like Moses. As I will describe in the next chapter, I was not raised with the idea that I was significant.This caused me to develop a whole set of behaviors that someone like Moses would probably have never displayed. Even after I got saved, many of these behaviors stayed around. I saw that Nancy's confrontation was about more than her simply being sensitive and me being misunderstood, which was the way I wanted to interpret it. It was about me doing things that I've always done, but which are no longer consistent with who God says that I am.
Most importantly, I saw that if I continued to do those things, I would, as the Lord had said, ultimately destroy the people I was trying to lead. I knew this confrontation was probably one of many to come on the road out of pauperhood and into my identity as a prince. I also knew that if I didn't begin to travel that road, it would not only cost me tremendously but also those around me.
This book shares the experiences and revelations that the Lord has used to teach me how to leave pauperhood behind and to think, act, and walk in the authority and power of my kingly and priestly call."
I see this also in my dad who still has yet to grasp the riches he has in Christ. We both have very small faith and have yet to grasp the full meaning and implication of our identity in Christ. Moses is such a powerful illustration of being raised in royalty and seeing the injustice he witnessed and wanting so much to do something about it. Our royalty drives us to seek justice for thos being oppressed. When we truly see our identity in Christ, everything changes especially our behaviors and thoughts.
Prayer:
Father, this particular book is one that I need at this particular time. More than ever, I feel this strong sense of worthlessness and invisibility, like I don’t matter. Because of the pain and discomfort with my health condition, I am mostly home-bound now and feel more isolated and alone than ever. Two vital parts of health, sunlight and socializing are missing in my life. As time goes by I feel more and more like a pauper rather than a prince. I feel like I don’t matter and like I am just waiting to die in this isolation. At times, I feel like You don’t care and that there is no hope in life. I’ve given into negativity and pecimism. I need out of this and fast for this is an emotional and spiritual hell no one should be confronted with. I long desire to see my worth and identity in Christ and the kingly and priestly position given to the children of the living God. Help me not merely understand but to experience the fullness of my position and identity in Christ.