THE MOURNERS

Wiersbe (2007) opens with a rather telling statement. He states that to find out about a person's character, find out what makes them laugh and what makes them weep. I have found this statement to be true. I can remember middle and high school days when students laughed at other people and situations that were not funny. Truly, this is an indicator of maturity or immaturity. Wiersbe tells about a train accident that was tragic. The rescuers found an infant who was alive but her mother was dead. When they took the child from her mother she laughed, but when they took away her candy the child broke out in loud screaming and weeping. The child had no conception of death but she did value her sweets. That which causes us to weep shows what we value.

 

Wiersbe makes another profound statement. "Whenever you enter into the presence of joy, you make yourself a candidate for sorrow." (p. 48). He shows this through the example of marriage. A young couple who marries experiences great joy. But, shortly into the marriage the young bride faces a terminal illness. Anything that has potential to bring joy can also bring deep sorrow. The same can be said about the birth and early death of a child. Before sounding too depressing, I do want to add a point that Wiersbe goes on to say: "Jesus did not tell His disciples to go out and look for sorrow, but He did tell them that He was able to transform their tears and bring them comfort. Of itself, sorrow never makes a person better. I have seen it make people bitter. But sorrow plus Jesus Christ can bring a transforming experience of power into the life of the one who is mourning." Sorrow + Jesus is what makes the difference. I have seen sorrow that makes people bitter. I have also seen sorrow that has turned into comfort by God. Indeed, Jesus is the difference maker.

Wiersbe then goes on into the next section to define different kinds of sorrow. These are natural sorrow, unnatural sorrow, and supernatural sorrow. In natural sorrow, we find many descriptions of this in Scripture. Jeremiah wept, Paul wept, King David wept, Jesus wept. Grief is a natural part of life. "When God created the first man, He gave him the ability to weep, and He did this before man had sinned. Natural weeping is not sinful. On the contrary, it is a gift from God. There is healing in natural weeping. Doctors and psychologists have helped us to understand what really happens when we mourn, and their discoveries have helped us (with God's assistance) to heal the brokenhearted. Natural sorrow expressed in mourning releases a healing process in people's lives that enables them to accept the pain, work their way through it, and adjust to life again." (p. 49). Not only is weeping natural, it should be encouraged. Far too many times after a tragic event or loss we hear adults telling their child not to cry. We hear messages telling men not to weep. Sadly it has left a generation of men unable to express themselves genuinely and constructively. God has given to each of us the gift of tears and we must not suppress the tears when sadness comes. Wiersbe goes on to describe unnatural sorrow. This is the kind that is contrary to the will of God. This is destructive sorrow that does not heal but makes the wounds deeper. He also says it isolates oneself from reality and is selfish sorrow. There is guilt instead of grace and it blinds someone from the comfort of God. According to Wiersbe, when King David's son led a revolt against him, the soldiers fought viciously. Consequently Absalom was killed. King David said these words: "O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you—O Absalom, my son, my son!" (2 Samuel 18:33). Wiersbe calls this unnatural sorrow. "While we admire David's love, we question his thinking. Would it have been better for the nation for David to die and for rebellious Absalom to live?" (p. 52). This kind of sorrow is unnatural sorrow that is not productive, selfish, and illogical. This is not to say that King David was wrong to love his son. In his cry, we can clearly sense his heart for his son. I do believe that he did however forget that he has other responsibilities.

The third sorrow is supernatural sorrow. There are three words Wiersbe makes clear to describe: "We must distinguish, however, among repentance and remorse and regret. When my consciousness of sin rests only in my mind, then it is regret. When it affects my mind and my heart, it is remorse, and remorse is a dangerous thing. But when my concern over my sin brings me to the place where I am willing to turn from it and obey God—when my concern affects my will as well as my mind and my heart—then I have experienced true repentance" (p. 54). Judas shows us remorse. He felt sorry for what he did but that sorrow did not enable him to repent. He however ended his own life. That is why remorse is such a dangerous thing. Regret however only impacts the mind and not the will also. I did something wrong. However I do nothing to change. Repentance involves confession, and a total turning from that destructive behavior and a turning to God. Wiersbe warns against two extremes. We are not to be too hard on ourselves about our sin and the sins of others but we are also not to be too soft on sin.

What exactly are we to mourn over. "But this mourning goes even deeper. We repent not only of what we do and what we are, but we also mourn over what sin does in this world. Jeremiah wept over the sins of his people. Jesus wept over the sins of Jerusalem. Paul wept as he ministered in the churches. All of creation is groaning because of sin, and the believer joins in that groaning (Romans 8:22-23). Although we thank God that He gives to us in this world "everything for our enjoyment" (1 Timothy 6:17), we also weep because our Father's world has been so polluted and plundered by sin. The present crisis in ecology is but a symptom of that deeper crisis. Many people weep over the loss of precious resources and the marring of irreplaceable beauty, but few weep over the godless rebellion in people's hearts that has caused this crisis" (p. 58). This kind of mourning is not found in our modern church. When we do find it is seen as strange. I went once to a prayer meeting where the sanctuary was full of adults mourning over their sin and the sins of the world. I was very young in my faith then and did not understand what was going on. I see now as I consider the heart of God and how Godly men and women of the past mourn over sin, that sin has caused wreckage and devastation in this world.

What is the result? The verse says for those who mourn, they will be comforted. Wiersbe goes on to say by what ways a believer is comforted. He lists several tools God uses to bring us comfort. There is the comfort from the Scriptures and the many promises and examples of comfort there. There is the inner comfort from the Holy Spirit. I have known this resource having faced several significant losses. It is an unexplainable ministering of the Holy Spirit in the midst of deep pain. God not only uses His Word, His Spirit, but also His people. The church also comforts us in our times of trouble. My fellowship was a tremendous comfort to me when my grandmother passed away three years ago. Lastly, Wiersbe says that God Himself comforts us. "Our English word comfort comes from two Latin words that mean "with strength" (The words fortify and fortress carry the same meaning.) We are prone to confuse comfort and sympathy, but the' are not identical. To sympathize means "to feel with," whereas to comfort means "to encourage, to give strength." Our mourning puts us in touch with the eternal resources of God, and the results is God's comfort. "When I called, you answered me; you made me bold and stouthearted" (Psalm 138:3).

Our God is the "God of all comfort" (2 Corinthians 1:3). His attitude toward us is not one of hostility but one of love and' encouragement. He is not against us; He is for us. This is one of the emphases in Romans 8. The Holy Spirit makes intercession for us (v. 26). God the Father delivered up His Son for us (v. 32). God the Son is making intercession for us (v. 34). No wonder Paul cried, "If God is for us, who can be against us?" (v. 31). '"For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope'" (Jeremiah 29:11 NASB). Our comfort and encouragement is God Himself" (p. 60).

Prayer:

Father, what a promise! What an encouragement you are in our times of loss and uncertainty. You encourage and strengthen us in our deepest hurts. You are our hope when we can imagine no hope for ourselves. As I sit here, I am unsure if I can ever walk again without pain. I don't know Your purpose for this, but I trust in Your unfailing love and promise of protection and care. Indeed, there is so much sin and trouble in this world and I pray that You allow me a glimpse into Your heart for a world who is lost and broken. Teach me to love like You and to see the world through Your eyes. Enable me with wisdom and opportunity to care for someone who is hurting and brokenhearted.

THE POOR IN SPIRIT

I once remember during my first year in grad school when one of the professors referred to this phrase. There was some confusion on the meaning of it. What exactly does it mean to be poor in spirit? Wiersbe (2007) first begins with what it is not. He first says it does not mean poor spirited. What he means by this is that it does not mean having low self-esteem. There is a lot of that today. Having done over 900 hours in mental health settings there are many who have poor self-esteem. When the passage says blessed are the poor in spirit, it does not mean blessed are those who have poor self-esteem. Wiersbe goes on to say it does not mean shyness. Shyness, as I can see is not a state of blessing. Then Weirsbe adds another misconception that I think merits some reflection:

"Neither is the detestable, groveling attitude that we call mock humility. The classic example is Uriah Heep in David Copperfield, who was always reminding people that he was "but a very humble person." In a more refined way, we see this mock humility in the people who deny about themselves what everybody else knows is true. I once worked with a Sunday school teacher who had a great gift of working with children, yet she would deny it every time it was mentioned. "Oh, I can't do anything!" (p. 32). Wiersbe calls this attitude mock humility. It is a kind of false humility. It is not being true. I sometimes feel uncomfortable when attention is brought on to me and when others say positive things about me. In an attend to deflect the praise, I often say that it was nothing or put the attention on to someone else. This is a kind of false humility. Further along, Wiersbe makes this powerful statement: "Who can tell God anything about himself that God does not already know? And, after all, God made us, and God is able to empower us to do whatever He calls us to do. Denying that we can accomplish God's work is not humility; it is the worst kind of pride." The example of Moses is mentioned when he gave excuse after excuse to God for leading the people of God out of Egypt. This is not to say that I cannot sympathize with Moses. Forty years in the middle of nowhere has the ability to place doubt into one's abilities. Right now, as I am in this state of uncertainty with my knee situation, I continue to wrestle with the reality of my usefulness. There is pain when I walk. I cannot leave the house without first taking pain medication. This has a way to bring negativity deeper and deeper into one's thought patterns. Yet, if I believe in a sovereign and all-knowing God I must believe that whatever God calls me to, God will empower me to do.

Before going on to greater detail Wiersbe ends this section by some brief comments. "Being poor in spirit means knowing yourself, accepting yourself, and being yourself to the glory of God. It means knowing yourself—your strengths and weaknesses, your hidden desires, your ambitions, your spiritual gifts and natural abilities—and being honest with yourself. When I was in grade school, I almost developed an emotional disorder over sports. Both of my older brothers were capable athletes, but I am not, and every time the boys in my class chose sides, I was the last one chosen." There are three things: knowing, accepting, and being. Knowing involves both who I am and who I am not. This is significant. Wiersbe knew he was not an athlete like his brothers. How often that happens when one has siblings. Both my brothers are in finance. They work with numbers. As an Asian American who is not good at math, I seem to be part of an odd minority. I chose the humanities in which there were few Asians. Being poor in spirit means taking an honest assessment. No, I am not good at math. I'm not good at sports either. I am a thinker, a writer, a philosopher, and listener. I've been sight impaired since the day I was born. Accepting this has been a challenge every day of my life. Yet poverty of spirit involves acceptance of who we are which includes those things we cannot change. I am certain that God knew exactly what He was doing when He created each person. I love how Wiersbe concludes this section: "To be poor in spirit does not mean to deny your personality or try to suppress it. It simply means yielding it to God for Him to make it all that He wants it to be. The motto is old but true: "God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him."" (p. 34) No one is without weaknesses, sins, or imperfections. Poverty of spirit does not mean dwelling on these things,. Rather, it involves bringing these to God in prayer.

In the next section Wiersbe describes the characteristics of humility. This is a very helpful and descriptive section. Wiersbe first says humility is evidenced by the acceptance of others. "When others succeed you are happy for them; when they fail you try to encourage them. If I find myself happy when they fail and sad when they succeed, then I am not poor in spirit. I am proud. When young David killed Goliath, King Saul was glad to get rid of his enemy and honor David, but when David started slaying his ten thousands in contrast to Saul's thousands, then the king became envious and angry" (p. 35). This is a counter cultural attitude. I imagine this happens in business. Sadly it happens within siblings. When one's competition fails it is natural to rejoice. It is something else to rejoice with those who succeed. This morning on the radio was a brief segment on the power of yes. It was on parenting and the point was for parents to be enthusiastic and encourage children in their interests and in their accomplishments. Wiersbe goes on to a second characteristic:   

"Another evidence of poverty of spirit is accepting circumstances. When circumstances do not go my way, do I become angry and critical? Am I always trying to manipulate people and circumstances for my own benefit and comfort? Or am I willing to give in to make things easier for somebody else? Do I cut corners and pull deals to accomplish what I want in life? Paul said, "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances" (Philippians 4:11) (p. 36). I think this one is the hardest for me right now. And for several reasons. I am four weeks now out of grad school and every attempt at a job interview or application has failed. My knee pain has not gone away but has only increased at times. These circumstances are hard to accept. It is easy to become negative and discouraged. 

The third characteristic Wiersbe lists is having the right attitude about things. He quotes Paul: "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty" (Philippians 4:12). This too can be difficult. We are a consumerist culture. The Internet Phone has been around for several years now and I sometimes think about having one. I think this can also relate to relationships. If I had an attractive spouse I would be happy. This places contentment on circumstances. If the addition or subtraction of things change my attitude than it means that things have control over my life.

The fourth characteristic listed is accepting God's will for our life. I am starting to notice a pattern on how difficult each of these are. This is a great summary of the previous others. God's will includes all that we have and all that we are. When I was taking a full load of six classes plus 20 hours of internship a week I was not glad to be in that position. I did not fully appreciate the gift of that season until the last two weeks. Now, I miss that time when I was placed in that position.

The next brief section is on consequences. Wiersbe tries to answer how being poor in spirit can be a blessing. Humility in our time is not a valued virtue. Those who appear to succeed are those who rise to the top no matter the cost. He first lists that humility is Godlike. Christ humbled Himself in obedience to His Father even to death. Wiersbe then goes on to say that humility is the condition in which God can work. "It is difficult to conceive of a Christian growing in grace apart from humility. True poverty of spirit is the soil out of which the fruit of the Spirit can be cultivated. "This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word" (Isaiah 66:2). Certainly the seed of God's Word could never be planted in the hard soil of a proud heart. "teak up your unplowed ground and do not sow among thorns" (Jeremiah 4:3) (p. 39). I think of the parent-child relationship. It is impossible to teach and train a child who is proud, critical, and doesn't listen. Humility is essential for spiritual growth.

Wiersbe concludes with the conditions of humility. The first is to accept God's estimate of ourselves. He says it is necessary both for salvation and necessary as we mature as Christians. Prior to salvation we agree with what the Bible says about who we are, sinful and fallen before a holy God, unable to save ourselves. We are not to think too highly of ourselves and at the same time not too lowly of ourselves. The second step is to yield yourself to God and get our strength from Him. The victorious Christian life is done not by will power alone. It is a journey with God and empowered by His Spirit. The third step as Wiersbe lists is to focus on Christ and His blessings. He makes reference to Peter in Luke 5. Peter spent all night and could catch no fish but when Christ gave some instructions, Peter caught an enormous amount of fish. We need to keep our eyes on Christ to keep proper perspective. The fourth step is to look for opportunities to serve others. Regarding service Wiersbe writes: "Do not look for big opportunities "worthy" of your abilities. Those will come in due time. The great saints of the Bible started as servants, not rulers, and they were faithful over a few things before God made them kings. Moses tended sheep; Joseph was a steward; David was a shepherd; Jesus was a carpenter. Live with the eye of God upon you and forget the praise of others. Serve faithfully in the hidden place, and in due time God will lift you up. Every opportunity for service is an opportunity to exercise sovereignty in Christ. We reign in life by living to serve, to the glory of God." (p. 45).

Prayer:

Father, this chapter was like a mirror. I see who I am now and see who I want to become. I confess that I find it so hard to accept my circumstance. Whether it is my sight, my joblessness, my knee pain, or things I do not have now, It is so hard to accept these circumstances. Yet, I trust that You are in charge over each detail. I trust that You care and will provide even for the needs that have not been satisfied. It is a constant journey to humility and I look to Christ for the example, strength, and wisdom for each moment. I pray for opportunities to serve and the willingness to accept Your leading.

Kingdom Life

Last night was perhaps one of the more difficult moments emotionally and physically. I was unable to physically go up the stairs to my bedroom and thus stayed downstairs to sleep on the couch. That was my first time that I can remember spending the night on the couch. Needless to say with the pain, the anxiety, and the physical structure of the couch, I did not sleep much. As I ponder these moments, I wonder if my life's best days were behind me. I am now using a walker to get from room to room, and I feel old and a bit useless. I can't do much anymore and I am only 31. A while ago I pondered taking a health psychology class but never did. I know now that there really is a connection between psychological state and illness. There are these physical realities. My perceived state of hopelessness and uselessness. There are however spiritual realities that transcend physical limitation. All too often we only see a part, and not in whole. 

Jesus gives us a picture of Kingdom life and Kingdom living in His most popular sermon recorded in Matthew 5-7. It is a high ideal that Jesus describes, but it is His will and desire for Christians to become. When Jesus began His ministry, there were different factions who believed to have an answer to Israel's problems. Wiersbe (2007) describes these different groups: "The Pharisees clamed that the nation could experience freedom and blessing only if the people returned to the traditions of the fathers. The Sadducees, on the other hand, urged the people to update their religion and become more liberal. The Essenes taught that salvation would come only through separation from the world, so they established their own communities and remained outside the life of the nation. At the other extreme were Zealots, a revolutionary group that sought to overthrow Rome by revolt and force. Unwilling to wait for gradual change, the Zealots murdered and destroyed in the name of Jewish patriotism" (pp. 21-22). I could not help but see the comparison to today. In this election year, the commercials and news concerning elections is everywhere. The beliefs are the same. Conservatives want to go back to the founding fathers and to the good old days of yesterday. The liberals want to go forward and modernize. The extremists want to go against and try to destroy the institutions. We need only be reminded of the Occupy movements over the past year.

I love what Wiersbe says about these groups: "Jesus in effect says, "All of these approaches are right in some respects and wrong in other respects. Their chief weakness is that they are fragmentary; they each deal with a facet of truth but not with the whole of truth.” For example, there is nothing wrong with the tradition of the fathers. But the Old Testament law was temporary; it was preparation for the coming of the Messiah, Jesus Christ. We should not duplicate the religion of Israel under the old covenant. Instead, we must let this Old Testament truth develop into New Testament truth through Jesus Christ. That is why Jesus said, "Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them" (Matthew 5:17). The Old Testament law was the seed; the gospel of Christ is the fruit... If the Pharisees wanted to hold on to the past and reject the present, the Sadducees went to the other extreme: They wanted to take the rational approach to life and sacrifice the authority of the Word on the altar of intellectual credibility. They were the modernists of their day. Jesus agreed with them that the Word must be a living reality today, but He rejected their anti-supernatural approach. "The Sadducees say that there is no resurrection, and that there are neither angels nor spirits" (Acts 23:8). When the Sadducees tried to trip Jesus up with their theological questions, He swept them aside with one devastating statement: "You are in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God" (Matthew 22:29). It is through the Word of God and the power of God by His Spirit that believers today experience the reign of God in their lives. The Pharisees lost the present by trying to return to the past. The Sadducees lost the present by denying the past. Both were wrong" (pp. 22-23).

These groups saw only a piece and not the whole. Losing the present by returning to the past or losing the present by denying the past. When we consider the Gospel narratives we find both groups miss the point. One group was so focused on the traditions of the past and the other denied the authority of Scripture entirely. I wonder what misinterpretation of God and life-fulfillment are prevalent today. Many try to have "religion" without God whatever form that make take. Some make religion into a God.   

There are a couple more groups that have only a part of truth. The Essenes in their desire for holy living, was right in intention. Scripture describes a Holy God and the command for the people of God to be set apart. However, isolationism was and still is the wrong approach. Jesus calls His disciples to go into the world and change the world, not retreat from it. We find in the great commission that we are to go into the entire world starting with our Jerusalem and then to the ends of the earth. Isolationism also does not address the root of sin which can only be changed by the power of the Spirit and not by seclusion. The last group is the Zealots:

"As for the Zealots, Jesus chose one of their number to be one of His disciples: "Simon, who was called the Zealot" (Luke 6:35). Imagine selecting a political fanatic to be among the first disciples! No doubt Jesus admired their zeal and devotion, just as He certainly opposed their violent methods. He would say to Simon, "Yes, some things in 'the establishment' need to be destroyed, but not through hatred, violence, and human force. The weapons we use are not of the flesh; they are of the Spirit. It is not by killing others but by being willing to die yourself that you will establish God's kingdom." (p. 24).

The political phonetics look to radically change the social systems by force. Yet, Jesus did not come to establish a political or physical Kingdom. The disciples at the time were mistaken in why Christ came. They too wanted Jesus to restore Israel through a physical Kingdom. The Kingdom that Jesus describes is one radically different. In Matthew 5:20: "For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven" Jesus describes the requirements for the Kingdom. By first glance, it would appear difficult to achieve these requirements. After all, there were over six hundred laws to observe. Yet, it is precisely these laws that Jesus came to challenge. True righteousness is not external rules to follow. In one of His parables, "Jesus had the Pharisee pray: "God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get" (Luke 18:11-12). Certainly there is nothing good about being an extortionist or an adulterer, and there is nothing bad about fasting or tithing. But if that is the whole of a person's religion, he or she has nothing. And if people are proud of their religious activities to the point of looking down upon fellow sinners, then they are in bad condition spiritually" (Wiersbe, 2007 p. 24-25). This kind of religion is highly problematic. It is rule-focused, and self-centered. Additionally, it makes false comparisons. Certainly, when we compare ourselves to "sinners" who have done far worse "sins" we appear rather "saintly". What if we compare ourselves to ministry leaders? The point certainly is not to make comparisons to others, but false righteousness has a tendency to make oneself look better than one really is. If anything, we conform ourselves to the likeness to Christ. Furthermore, in the sermon on the mount Jesus looks not merely at the physical act of murder or lust, but the heart intention. True righteousness goes much deeper than external behavior.

Wiersbe (2007) goes on to describe not just the mark of true righteousness but the motive. "Not only were the Pharisees and scribes mistaken about righteousness and sin, but they were also mistaken in their motives for serving God, and Jesus deals with this error in Matthew 6. The Pharisees and scribes were religious in order to get the approval and praise of others. But true Christians have a greater motive than that: They live for the approval and praise of God. After all, if true righteousness is a matter of the heart and only God can see the heart, then only God can give the reward. "I am he who searches- hearts and minds" (Revelation 2:23) (p. 26). In chapter six of Matthew, Jesus discusses the acts of giving, prayer, and fasting. All three activities were falsely done in front of people for the praise of people. Jesus challenges the motive by which we do what we do. We aim to please God. I recognize how difficult it is to actually do this and not care what other people think. In grad school I gave four or five presentations a semester and so many times I was caught up in worrying about saying the wrong thing or not knowing the right response. It was not until my final semester when I was able to let go, and was able to do my last five presentations caring only what my Heavenly Father saw. Stories earlier this year have been told also of Jeremy Lin and his early struggles in playing for the audience and how it impacted his performances. It is when we play and live for an audience of One that we live with freedom.

Wiersbe (2007) considers the Beatitudes individually, but before going into them in detail he describes them collectively: Having received the righteousness of Christ, I can begin to manifest in my life the character of God. I become merciful instead of condemning; I seek to cultivate purity of heart; I become a peacemaker, not a troublemaker. As I grow to become more like Christ, I experience the kind of treatment He received when He was on earth—reviling, persecution, and false accusations. But because of His grace, I become salt and light in a world that is decayed and dark. Having entered the kingdom, it is now my privilege to enlarge the kingdom by applying His righteousness in the world about me... The Beatitudes tell us how to enter and enlarge the kingdom, but they also tell us how to enjoy the kingdom. "Blessed are . . . for they will. . ." They will what? Just read the promises, and you will see how much believers enjoy from God when they seek to cultivate true Christian character. "Theirs is the kingdom"—authority. "They will be comforted"—encouragement. "They will inherit the earth"—provision for every need. "They will be filled"—satisfaction. "They will be shown mercy"—provision for ministry to others. "They will see God"—spiritual vision. "They will be called sons of God"—becoming more like God in daily life. There is a price to pay, but the results are well worth it.

Jesus Christ invites you and me into a life of enrichment and enlargement.

Will you and I pay the price?" (pp. 27-28).

Peace, purity, mercy, these are the realities of true righteousness. The results just mentioned, authority, satisfaction, spiritual vision, encouragement, provision, these are the blessings, but most importantly, being children of God. This final passage sums up the sermon on the mount and Kingdom Life as it is meant to be now.

Prayer:

Father, I confess that I only see in part. At any given moment, I miss the point. I take on the beliefs of the zealot who thinks politics and anarchy could be the answer or isolationism, or returning to the past or modernization. The answer as I am seeing lies not in these external changes but inner change. It is seeking true righteousness and the change of the heart. To do that, we need the enabling of Your Spirit. We are already Children by position and as such we have Your provision, encouragement, spiritual vision and true satisfaction. Open my eyes I pray to Your Kingdom realities to become less and less self-focused and more and more Christ-centered.

Walking Or Riding

It has been about a year since I have revisited this site and wrote my last entry here. A lot has happened since then. I finished my foundation and concentration year clinical internships. I have completed my last year of graduate school and have been job searching for about three weeks now. One week ago, I turned 31. In the midst of what appears to be accomplishments, has been the frustrations of receiving rejection notices, empty job leads, and the sudden onset of major knee pain. This week has been very difficult having received a rejection notice on Tuesday afternoon and then one on Wednesday morning both from agencies serving Asian Americans. The Tuesday rejection notice included the line "You have impressive skills and experience but you do not meet the minimum qualifications". The Wednesday notice was very similar: "We are looking for other applicants with other qualifications". In other words, "you're not who we're looking for". Back to back rejection notices are hard to take. That, plus the increasing pain in my knee is creating this sense of abandonment by God.   

 The Bible states in detail our position in Christ. It paints the Christian as someone who is victorious. King Solomon notes a scene he sees and describes this oddity: "There is an evil I have seen under the sun, the sort of error that arises from a ruler: Fools are put in many high positions, while the rich occupy the low ones. I have seen slaves on horseback, while princes go on foot like slaves" (Ecclesiastes 10:5—7). Princes ride on horseback. Servants go on foot. Spiritually speaking, the children of God should be on horseback, and those material things, money, possessions, and appetites are on food. Wiersbe writes: "too many people are walking when they should be riding. Too many people are acting like servants when in fact they are princes, heirs of the King" (Wiersbe, 2007 p. 12). It is amazing that the second time this week I have been brought back to the first chapter of Genesis. This idea of rulership is painted here: "God blessed them and said to them, 'Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground' "(Genesis 1:28). This was the original design for human beings to have dominion over living things. Yet, in the third chapter our first parents go from sovereigns to sinners to servants. Eve's desire to be like God began the chaos that is still being rebuilt. For the Christian, Adam's disobedience was made right through Christ's obedience. "For if, by the trespass of the one man [Adam], death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God's abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ." The text says that we will reign in life. Here and now. Present tense. This is God's desire:

"God the Father created you to be a king, God the Son redeemed you to be a king, and God the Spirit can empower you to be a king. We reign in life through the power of the Spirit of God. "For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose" (Philippians 2:13). "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us" (Ephesians 3:20). If left to ourselves, we fail; but if we yield to the indwelling Holy Spirit, we succeed. He alone can empower us to live like kings. The question you must answer is, Am I walking or riding! Or, to put it another way, Am / serving my servants, or are they serving me? Are you ruling over the appetites of the body? Are you in control of money and material things? (Money is a wonderful servant but a terrible master.) Are you reigning in life" (Wiersbe, 2007 p. 14).

Prayer:

Heavenly Father, I confess that recently, I have been living far more like a servant than a prince, as an heir of the King. I let worry cripple my faith. I am worried about ever finding employment, worried about my knee situation, worried about tomorrow. Father, in the next few days and weeks I pray that you would be teaching me about what it means to reign in life and live like an heir of the King.

Contentment: Concluding Reflections

This reflection and journey has taken us about three months. It is now the final section. As I write this, there is still no definite summer placement as I await the response from one more agency. Yesterday had been a little bit discouraging with an early morning e-mail from one of the hospitals where I had asked about a possible internship. I wish that my post today would contain good news. The search for a summer placement has been continuous for ten weeks. It is hard at times to focus on the Provider rather than the problem.

Dillow opens up this last section with Psalm 84:


Psalm 84

1 How lovely is your dwelling place,
O LORD Almighty!
2 My soul yearns, even faints,
for the courts of the LORD;
my heart and my flesh cry out
for the living God.

3 Even the sparrow has found a home,
and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may have her young—
a place near your altar,
O LORD Almighty, my King and my God.
4 Blessed are those who dwell in your house;
they are ever praising you.
Selah


5 Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.
6 As they pass through the Valley of Baca,
they make it a place of springs;
the autumn rains also cover it with pools.
7 They go from strength to strength,
till each appears before God in Zion.

8 Hear my prayer, O LORD God Almighty;
listen to me, O God of Jacob.
Selah

9 Look upon our shield, O God;
look with favor on your anointed one.

10 Better is one day in your courts
than a thousand elsewhere;
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of the wicked.
11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
the LORD bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless.

12 O LORD Almighty,
blessed is the man who trusts in you.

"As I read it again, I was reminded of the journey to calmness of heart. It speaks of a woman like you and me who sets her heart on pilgrimage. A pilgrim is defined as "a person who travels to a sacred place." Contentment is a holy place. According to this psalm, the woman is blessed because her strength is in God. As she travels through the valley of weeping, she makes it into a living spring (verses 5-6). My prayer is that you, too, will reach the living spring of contentment." (p. 201).

Contentment is indeed a holy place. Few ever find it. Discontent, stress, anxiety, greed and its siblings are constant companions for so many, even within the household of faith. Those who find contentment are like a living spring. This is so true. I can remember a few sermons when the pastor asks the rhetorical question of what would it be like to be around a Christian who is always thankful about everything. For some of us it would be a little bit annoying, but in truth those who are totally content and thankful for everything are like a living spring.

"I finally saw that although I have a steering wheel, I can give up control. My Driver (God) is totally in control. He has been on the road. He knows the way. He sees ahead to the very end or the
J . 1
road — to all my tomorrows. I can sit back and relax, converse wit the Driver, and enjoy the journey. My focus becomes Him instead of where I'm going." (p. 201).

I like how Dillow uses the car analogy. We think we are driving, but we have no idea where we are going or even the way. God sees the entire road and the entire map yet in our finite minds we want to take control of the steering wheel. I like the last sentence, our focus becomes Him rather than where we are going. It is not about the destination so long as we are in the car with the Lord. What matters is our relationship with Him ass our driver. I can relate to this analogy as I am blind and rely on people to drive me. It is sad when two people can be in the same car for hours and not say a single word and zero relationship exists. I love talking to my friends and family who drive me. It is about relationship. The same applies with our relationship with God.

Dillow returns back to her key verse and key thought.

"What I have been sharing with you throughout this book is that first, foremost, and finally, contentment is a yielding to our Great, Almighty, Holy King. "God ... is the blessed controller of all things, the king over all kings and the master of all masters" (1 Timothy 6:15, ph)."p. 202).

God is in control. Even when I don't understand it, when I can't see it. God is in control. To the degree to which I believe this and submit to His control will dictate my degree of contentment. One day ago after receiving the e-mail I was not ready to take the result too its logical conclusion if I cannot find an internship. It would mean going back to California without a degree and seemingly one year wasted. Though it is still very difficult, I have accepted that if God wants me to return, I will pack my things, and if He allows me to stay, God will provide.

" As we grow in trusting God in all things, our contentment becomes an act of worship. Isn't that a beautiful thought!" (p. 202).

Our trust in God is worship. I love how John Piper states it. God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him. Faith pleases God. It magnifies Him name. Contentment does not depend on place, possessions, or other people. It depends on our trust in the Blessed Controller of all things.

Dillow closes with a prayer. As I await the response from my last agency contact, as I await the move to stay or return home, with a mustard seed of faith, this is my prayer:

"The Lord is my peace. I shall not live in anxiety. He puts me under His wing of comfort and calms my spirit within me. He takes all my anxieties on Himself and helps me to focus on Him. Yes, though I walk through a time of grave uncertainties and fierce anxieties, I will not fret —for You are my peace. Your Word and Your presence calm me now. You hold my uncertainties in the palm of Your hand. You soothe my anxious mind- You smooth my wrinkled brow. Surely serenity and trust in You shall fill me all the days of my life. And I shall keep my mind stayed on You forever} (p.204)

Trusting God on the crooked path

We are almost to the end of the book. I really enjoyed this book and it has been so relevant, so encouraging and so challenging. I would like to continue journeying with you through a new book. Please provide some suggestions.


It is one of "those" days. The first e-mail I received in the morning was from one of the agencies where I interviewed twice. This agency was the farthest drive, 45 minutes one way. I was asked to come in twice. You can see where I am headed with this. The title of the message was internship. It was a short e-mail and those are usually the worst and it was. In polite language they said that they cannot accept me as an intern. Usually this should not be a big deal, but I forwarded the message to the director of field education at the college and she expressed her concerns that this is starting to become problematic. My peers all started their internships five weeks ago and I have been met with ten weeks of failed attempts. Yet, in this, the Lord is good. I received two phone calls from two different hospitals and had two interviews this week. I have no idea how it will turn out, but this situation is not in my control.

I far prefer the times when everything makes sense and things are going well.

"I personally prefer the "straight" times! I like to be able to see how everything is fitting together. The crooked times are difficult, not just because they're crooked but because we can't see how God is working. But those are the times that require faith. Remember, God is fitting things together even when we can't see. It just doesn't feel as good or as safe. The book of Ecclesiastes encourages us to rejoice when life is easy and to trust God when it isn't." (p. 186)

Consider the work of God, for who is able to straighten what He has bent? In the day of prosperity be happy, but in the day of adversity consider — God has made the one as well as the other so that man may not discover anything that will be after him. (Ecclesiastes 7:13-14, nasb)

God has made both the times of prosperity as well as the times of adversity. Human nature far rather prefers the days of prosperity. We try so much to avoid the adversity. Recently I have had Romans 8:28 appear and reappear in my mind especially when the e-mail came in this morning.

"All things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose."'

Yet these situations God places in our lives do not stop us from asking the "why" questions and the "how long" questions. One of my most favorite minor prophets ponders such questions and Dillow reflects on his message.

"Habakkuk was different from the other Old Testament prophets who addressed either their own countrymen or a foreign people. Habakkuk talked to God alone. He was a man with a crooked situation. After the death of Josiah, the last godly king, the people worshiped false gods, and very little honor was given to Yahweh.
Moral corruption was rampant in judah, yet God was silent. Violence and lawlessness raged; God seemed unconcerned. It appeared that God was not working. Habakkuk came before God and asked the age-old questions that tear our hearts apart: "How long, O Lord?""Why, God? Why do You allow evil and wickedness to continue in Judah?" He prayed:" (p. 189).

How long, O Lord, will I call for help.
And Thou wilt not hear?
I cry out to Thee, "Violence!"
Yet Thou dost not save.
Why dost Thou make me see iniquity.
And cause me to look on wickedness?
Yes, destruction and violence are before me;
Strife exists and contention arises.
Therefore, the law is ignored
And justice is never upheld.
For the wicked surround the righteous;
Therefore, justice comes out perverted.
(Habakkuk 1:2-4, nasb)

The circumstances aren't too different from the ones we see here in the United States and around the world, rampant injustice. Volumes have been written from philosophers and Theologians and pastors about this issue of God's sovereignty and human evil, and the book does not go into the why of things but the how. God responds to the questions.


Then the Lord answered me and said,
"Record the vision and inscribe it on tablets.
That the one who reads it may run.
For the vision is yet for the appointed time:
It hastens toward the goal, and it will not fail.
Though it tarries, wait for it;
For it will certainly come, it will not delay.
Behold, as for the proud one.
His soul is not right within him;
But the righteous will live by his faith."
(Habakkuk 2:2-4, nasb)

"God reaffirmed that what Habakkuk had heard was true — the Chaldeans were coming — but Habakkuk was to live by faith. This same statement is repeated three times in the New Testament: "The just shall live by faith" (Romans 1 .-17; Galatians 3:11; Hebrews 1038). In other words, God didn't explain Why; instead He told Habakkuk to trust Him with all his Whys. Habakkuk was to trust God for what he didn't understand, what he couldn't see. He was to walk in the dark with God" (p. 192).

God often does not explain why. The righteous shall live by faith. God is not unaware of the troubles in the world, and the troubles we face. Sometimes the provision or the solution is immediate, while many times it takes a while. Personally, waiting on God while circumstances are impossible and time is growing limited is very difficult.

Chapter 3 of the text is one of the most beautiful expressions of faith in Scripture:

Though the fig tree should not blossom.
And there be no fruit on the vines.
Though the yield of the olive should fail,
And the fields produce no food.
Though the flock should be cut off from the fold,
And there be no cattle in the stalls,
Yet I will exult in the Lord,
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.
The Lord God is my strength.
And He has made my feet like hinds' feet,
And makes me walk on my high places.
(Habakkuk 3:17-19, nasb)

The circumstances did not change, but somehow, some way, we see a movement from questioning God to praising God. Dillow suggests three things that happened.

He told his honest doubts to God.
He resolved to wait on God.
He chose to trust God in the dark. (p. 193)

I came across a beautifully-written song a year ago that has similar elements of doubt, and then the movement towards praise. I am not quite there yet. I want to move from fear to faith.



Yours
Steven Curtis Chapman




I walk the streets of London
And notice in the faces passing by
Something that makes me stop and listen
My heart grows heavy with the cry

Where is the hope for London?
You whisper and my heart begins to soar
As I'm reminded
That every street in London in Yours
Oh, yes it is

I walk the dirt roads of Uganda
I see the scars that war has left behind
Hope like the sun is fading
They're waiting for a cure no one can find

And I hear children's voices singing
Of a God who heals and rescues and restores
And I'm reminded
That every child in Africa is Yours

And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky
To the depths of the ocean floor
And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
You're the Maker and Keeper, Father and Ruler of everything
It's all Yours

And I walk the sidewalks of Nashville
Like Singapore, Manila and Shanghai
I rush by the beggar's hand and the wealthy man
And everywhere I look I realize

That just like the streets of London
For every man and woman, boy and girl
All of creation
This is our Father's world

And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky
To the depths of the ocean floor
And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
You're the Maker and Keeper, Father and Ruler of everything

It's all Yours, God
It's all Yours, God
It's all Yours, God
It's all Yours, God

The glory is Yours, God
All the honor is Yours, God
The power is Yours, God
The glory is Yours, God

You're the King of Kings
And Lord of Lords

And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky
To the depths of the ocean floor
And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
All the greatness and power, the glory and splendor and majesty
Everything is Yours
Yeah, it's all Yours
We are Yours
The glory and honor is Yours, everything is Yours

It's all Yours, God
My life is Yours, my heart is Yours
My hands and my feet are Yours
Every song that I sing
It's all Yours, all is Yours
All belongs to You
Our gifts are Yours, God
All our dreams are Yours, God
All our plans are Yours, God
The whole earth is Yours, God
Everything is Yours

Trusting God with our portion, IF ONLY continued.

Another week, another interview. In less than two hours from now, I will be going to yet another interview at another organization, this time a hospital. I have no idea what to expect. I am four weeks into the summer period and still without a definite placement. Theoretically this will be the most relevant placement because out of all the places I have interviewed, this is directly related to my concentration.

"If we are to find contentment in the midst of trial and uncertainty, we must accept our situation as being purposely allowed into our lives by a personal and loving God. For most of us, this begins by refusing to contract the if Only disease" (p. 173).

Certainly there is a reason why God allows some things and not allow other things. So far, each interview, whether good or bad has resulted in no placement. It is the closed doors that are often the hardest to go through. Yet, open doors are not always a good thing for they can lead to heartache and disappointment if we are not seeking the Lord in those choices.

I always love reading devotional commentaries on certain sections of Scripture. One passage I love is the raising of the brother of Martha by Jesus in John 11:

"Wilma became so distraught over their situation, so paralyzed by the if Only, that on Easter she could not sing "He Lives." She felt God had deserted them. Alone in her drab kitchen, she turned to a pamphlet by A. B. Simpson titled, "The if in Your Life." She read the account of Lazarus's death and how Martha had said to Jesus. "Lord. If Only You had been here, my brother would not have died." And Jesus could have been there; He was not far away. He knew all about it and Lie let Lazarus die.
Wilma realized a great truth: There's an if in every life — something God could have done differently if He had chosen to do so. He has all power, yet He often allows that if to be there. God wanted to meet Wilma's if with His if just as He had for Martha. Jesus told Martha, "Did 1 not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?" (John 11:40). Martha wanted Lazarus to be delivered from death; Christ wanted Lazarus to be triumphant over death.2" (pp. 174-175)

It is that last statement that really sticks out to me. Jesus wanted Lazarus triumph over death. Martha wanted her brother delivered from death. The rhetorical question is "which would bring God greater glory?" Certainly the raising of the dead would be a greater miracle. So often our prayers are so limited. We want God to do X but God wants to do Y and Y is the action that brings Him greater glory. I find it hard then to know what to ask except that in whatever happens that God would get the greatest glory. Death is no small matter. I can imagine the sadness Martha was feeling and the anger towards Jesus for letting her brother die. Yet, in that tragedy, Jesus was at work. Trusting God in those circumstances is incredibly challenging.

Dillow goes on to tell about a woman who finds the man of her dreams only to find several years into the marriage his continual adultery, apology and adultery again. She found out his middle name is charmer. Adultery itself is a kind of death. It is the death of trust and commitment. It is heartbreaking.

"Recently I received another letter from Darla and marveled at her continual growth. She said, "I'm trying to learn obedience and acquiescence to God's will in the tiniest details of my life. I don't want to waste any more of my life being sad and nonfunctioning because of my situation with my husband." Darla is choosing to trust God with her portion." (p. 177)

Dillow goes on to describe one of her favorite Psalms, PS 77. This is the key to trusting God.

Remembering the Deeds of the Lord

"We survive the packages of pain God allows in our lives by remembering who God is and what He has done in the past. When If Onlys invade my mind, when anguish fills my heart, I return to one of my favorite psalms. It is a place where God has met me time after time. Read Psalm 77 and hear the psalmist's pain-drenched words: "My soul refused to be comforted. I remembered you, O God, and I groaned;... I was too troubled to speak. ... Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has his promise failed for all time? Has God forgotten to be merciful?" (Psalm 77:2-4.8-9).
These questions sound like my questions. But listen to how the psalmist's despair changes from pity to praise.

I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds. Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God? You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples. (Psalm 77:11-14)

I will remember. This is a key to trusting God." (p. 179).

Well, God has done so much for me. He has kept me alive and sustained me for 30 years. He got me to this point. I got accepted into this graduate program. I made it through two semesters. Surely God will enable me to finish and provide all that is necessary.