Where is my focus?
Self-reflection appears to grow with alarming intensity as I near the close of my 20s. Yes, in about a week, I can no longer say I am in my 20s. This week will likely pass with no thrilling excursions, no to-do list / things to accomplish. Sadly, the day of my birthday will likely be the most ordinary birthday I have ever had. I will be in Rochester, 3000 miles away from home, away from family, friends, and my beloved community, and for the first time. No one will sing happy birthday, there will be no cake, and the only friends I have in grad school have all returned home. This week has the components of being quite depressing.
These things can and do happen whether we want it or not. Disappointment, unfulfilled expectations, unrealized dreams, they can and do happen. I had a list of things I wanted to accomplish before I turn 30, and I am sure many in their 20s do as well. I wanted to be married with two kids and a stable job before 30. I wanted to know my purpose and calling before I turn 30. Many days when I am here, I feel like I am simply enduring the present.
"Psychologist William Marston asked three thousand people, "What do you have to live for?" He was shocked to discover that 94 percent were simply enduring the present while waiting for the future.2 Because 1 desire to be a woman of purpose, I often ask myself. "Linda, are you living life with a myopic focus? Are you in a waiting mode?" (Dillow, 2007 p. 108)
One way is simply endure the present while waiting for the future. The other way is to live in the present but focus on the past. The poem that Dillow shares from a 14-year-old boy tells the story of living in the present but wanting the future.
It was spring but it was summer I wanted; the warm days
and the great outdoors. It was summer but it was fall I wanted; the colorful
leaves and the cool dry air.
It was fall but it was winter I wanted; the beautiful snow
and the joy of the holiday season. It was now winter but it was spring 1 wanted; the warmth
and the blossoming of nature. I was a child but it was adulthood I wanted; the freedom
and the respect. I was twenty but it was thirty I wanted; to be mature and
sophisticated. I was middle-aged but it was twenty I wanted; the youth
and the free spirit. I was retired but it was middle-age that I wanted; the
presence of mind without limitations. My life was over but I never got what I wanted." (p. 108-109).
Dillow asks a good question and raises an alarming reality:
"If someone were to ask us where we're headed, we'd probably answer, "Soccer practice." We get so caught up with our kids' schedules, our car pools, our careers, our fears, our problems that we lose sight of the bigger picture. We've forgotten who we are and that we're here for a reason. We don't stop to think about what we do; and worse, we don't even pray about it." (p. 109)
Where am I headed? To class. To church. To my internship. I am guilty of being preoccupied with the task at hand. There always seems to be a paper to write, a group project to work on, a lesson plan to prepare. What is the bigger picture?
Dillow makes a proposal:
"We must correct our faulty focus and become women of purpose. A good way to begin is with a purpose statement that defines what we believe and where we want to be." (p. 110).
According to Dillow, there are two elements of a purpose statement, figuring out what we believe and figuring out where we want to be. She provides some examples.
"Jonathan Edwards wrote his life purpose statement in the form of resolutions. Betty Scott Stam wrote hers in the form of prayer:
Lord. I give up all my own plans and purposes, all my own desires and hopes, and accept Thy will for my life. I give myself, my life, my all utterly to Thee to be Thine forever. Fill me and seal me with Thy Holy Spirit. Use me as Thou wilt, send me where Thou wilt, work out Thy whole will in my life at any cost, now and forever.5" (p. 111)
The prayer shows what she believes. We see a total surrender to the Lordship of Jesus. Consequently, we do not see her saying where she wants to be at in ten years. She leaves it up to God.
Dillow goes into four stories of four different women who were intentional about their purpose and purpose statement. I really enjoy the first story, Phyllis.
Phyllis prayed for life-purpose in the midst of her chaos and confusion. God gave her Philippians 3:10, an excellent life-verse.
"For my determined purpose is that I may know Him that I may progressive!}' become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly" "AMP"
I love what Phyllis says, that her children are not her purpose, but her platform. Her purpose is continually in progress. Her purpose transcends her children. Listen to the crafting of her purpose statement:
"I began with a verse, and years later God gave me four words that clarified my purpose." The words were: purposely, faithfully, creatively, and paradoxically.
Today, Phyllis's life purpose reads like this:
I want to live my life very purposely, regularly reviewing and praying over my purpose in life, loving God intensely, cherishing and inspiring my husband, praying for and keeping connected spiritually with my children, loving women and seeking to lay spiritual foundations in their lives.
I want to live faithfully, believing God for what I cannot see. I want to believe that God can do in my children's lives what I cannot do.
1 want to live creatively, creating beauty and warmth in my home, around my table, and in my Bible study. Creativity adds sparkle to a focused, purposeful life.
I want to live paradoxically. I want to go against my selfish nature, against our culture, giving a little bit more than 1 feel like giving, going the second mile, being like Jesus.6" (p. 112-113).
Amazing! Don't you want to meet Phyllis? As I read her purpose statement, I think, this is the kind of person I want as my spiritual mentor, my spiritual mom, a woman of God who really lives for Him. What a living witness to her loving Lord!
As I think about her statement, I think it must have come out of a lot of prayer and searching. Over the past few months in grad school my life-verse has reemerged and then gone into hiding. It is broad enough to be a life-verse, but it is also quite intimidating. I suppose that is what makes it a life-verse: that we never fully accomplish its content.
6 With what shall I come before the LORD,
And bow myself before the High God?
Shall I come before Him with burnt offerings,
With calves a year old?
7 Will the LORD be pleased with thousands of rams,
Ten thousand rivers of oil?
Shall I give my firstborn for my transgression,
The fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?
8 He has shown you, O man, what is good;
And what does the LORD require of you
But to do justly,
To love mercy,
And to walk humbly with your God? (Mic 6:6-8).
The perfect Christian social worker life-verse in my opinion.
One of the speakers from the conference yesterday made reference to a passage in Jeremiah 9 and then 22. Both passages have a similar point. Jeremiah nine is saying what it means to know God. The kind of knowing is not just knowledge. It is not just Bible study and Sunday school and Bible reading. Jeremiah 22 records a long judgment on a king who did what was wrong even though God had spoken to him.
11 For this is what the LORD says about Shallum son of Josiah, who succeeded his father as king of Judah but has gone from this place: "He will never return. 12 He will die in the place where they have led him captive; he will not see this land again."
13 "Woe to him who builds his palace by unrighteousness,
his upper rooms by injustice,
making his countrymen work for nothing,
not paying them for their labor.
14 He says, 'I will build myself a great palace
with spacious upper rooms.'
So he makes large windows in it,
panels it with cedar
and decorates it in red.
15 "Does it make you a king
to have more and more cedar?
Did not your father have food and drink?
He did what was right and just,
so all went well with him.
16 He defended the cause of the poor and needy,
and so all went well.
Is that not what it means to know me?"
declares the LORD.
17 "But your eyes and your heart
are set only on dishonest gain,
on shedding innocent blood
and on oppression and extortion." (Jer 22:11-17).
The speaker's point from the conference focused not on the judgment, but on v. 16, what it means to know God, defending the cause of the poor and needy. Knowing God, really knowing God is to know His heart, and in Jer 9:22-23 it says His delight is in exercising justice, righteousness, and loving kindness on the earth. Doing God's will is doing what He delights in. I want my life to be about that, doing what is just, loving mercy, and walking humbly with Him.
Dillow closes with a powerful story that has effected her desire to live with a fixed focus. This is Hebrews 12:2 being lived out. This is really life is about and where our focus should be:
"The following story has deeply affected my desire to live with a fixed focus. I will call this woman Mattie. Throughout her life, Mattie cherished and depended on the Word of God. committing to memory many verses from her worn King James Bible. Her life verse was 2 Timothy 1:12: "For I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day."
As Mattie grew older, her memory faded and details eluded her. Even the beloved faces of her family slipped from recognition. Finally, she was confined to bed in a nursing home. When her family and friends would visit Mattie, they would find her still quoting verses of Scripture, especially her well-loved life verse. But with the passing of time, even parts of this most special verse began to slip away. "I know whom I have believed," she would say. "He is able to keep . .. what I have committed ... to Him." As Mattie grew weaker, the verse grew even shorter: "What I have committed ... to Him."
As Mattie lay dying, her voice became so weak that her family had to strain to hear the whispered words. There was only one word left of her life verse: "Him." Mattie whispered it again and again as she neared the gates of heaven. "Him . .. Him . . , Him." He was all that was left. He was all that was needed. Her life focus was Him.12" (p. 119)
prayer / song of worship
One Pure and Holy Passion
Give me one pure and holy passion
Give me one magnificent obsession
Give me one glorious ambition for my life
To know and follow hard after You
Give me one pure and holy passion
Give me on magnificent obsession
Give me one glorious ambition for my life
To know and follow hard after You
To know and follow hard after you
To grow as your dicsiple in your truth
This world is empty, pale, and poor
Compared to knowing you, my Lord
Lead me on and I will run after you
Lead me on and I will run after you
Give me one pure and holy passion
Give me one magnificent obsession
Give me one glorious ambition for my life
To know and follow hard after you
To know and follow hard after you
To grow as your disciple in the truth
This world is empty, pale, and poor
Compared to knowing you my Lord
Lead me on and I will run after you
Lord to know and follow hard after you
And to grow as your disciple in your truth
This world is empty, pale, and poor
Compared to knowing you my Lord
Lead me on and I will run after you
Lead me on and I will run after you
Lead me on and I will run after you
Monday, May 2, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Content With What I have
God has really worked on my ability to accept what He has given over these seven months away from home. I am living in an apartment for the first time in my life. It is not a large apartment. The living space is smaller than the size of my living room in Sacramento. No back yard, no front yard, no garage. There is just one bathroom and it is quite small. It was really hard to adjust at first. I cannot lie, I was quite disappointed when I did a walk through of the place the first time. In my mind, I was thinking, I can't believe I am going to be living here. I am not one who wants a big house, but it would be nice to have a little bit more space.
"Whether we crave inexpensive treasures or designer creations, the issue is the same: greed. When we purchase more than we can afford, we are discontent with what God has given. We no longer trust that God knows best and that He will supply our needs. How do we keep our hearts centered on God, with a thankfulness for what He has given, instead of acquiring more and more? The only way is to keep His perspective in our hearts, to burn it into our minds." (Dillow, 2007 p. 92).
That is the issue. How can I be content with what God has given and provided. The earthquake in Japan really helps to put things into perspective. Thousands dead, many more homeless in cold temperatures. Wherever we live, if we have a roof over our heads, we are blessed. I think in modern times in industrialized nations it is hard to distinguish between need and greed.
I love Dillow's principles on possessions. (p. 92)
1. Everything belongs to God. "Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours. Yours. O Lord, is the kingdom; you are exalted as head over all. Wealth and honor come from you; you are the ruler of all things. In your hands are strength and power to exalt and give strength to all. . . . Everything comes from you, and we have given you only what comes from your hand" (i Chronicles 29:11-14, italics mine).
That really changes things. This place that I inhabit, its not mine. Well, it really isn't mine because I pay rent, but neither is the house in Sacramento. It has the name of my parents, but even still it is not the possession of my parents. Everything belongs to God. That puts tremendous responsibility on us to take care of it and to be thankful for it. One might say it is by my own hard work that I have what I have. Yet, the believer knows that God both gives us the skills and abilities to work and the opportunity to do what we are doing. He also placed us in the geographical location where we are at. I cannot imagine what life would be like if I was in a country that does not value democracy and capitalism.
Principle #2 (p. 93).
2. Heart attitude is the issue. Psalm 62:10 says, "Though your riches increase, do not set your heart on them." God cares about where your heart is, where your treasure is. Listen to Jesus' words:
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matthew 6:19-21)
That is a penetrating question. Where is my heart? Where is your heart? Sadly, my focus sometimes is on the heavenly treasure because it is so much more immediate. Right now, I am looking for work and the process has been long and hard at times. But for the one who is employed, there is an equal warning to not desire the accumulation of more at the expense of forgetting God.
Dillow asks a powerful question to assess where our treasure is. She asks us to take inventory of what we own and then:
"Suppose this treasure were lost, destroyed, or stolen tomorrow. Would I miss it to the point that it would harm my trust in God, my contentment, or my relationships? If the answer is yes. then your treasure is on earth." (p. 94)
I think when we own items with great economic value this question becomes harder to answer. For instance if we own a fairly new motor vehicle which we bought for a large sum of money or expensive jewelry either bought or given to us. Some things are very difficult to replace. I love the promise Dillow quotes from Hebrews. "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you: never will I forsake you"' (Hebrews 13:5). Our possessions can leave. Not by their own will, but they can be taken away. Clothing can get old and stained by coffee. Computers will break down. Material things do not last.
Principle 3: (p.96).
"God comes first and possessions come second. "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money" (Matthew 6:24).
I am not quite sure if possessions come second but I see her point. I think people come second and possessions come a very distant third. Nevertheless, God comes first. Possessions make for terrible gods. They have no divine power and no feelings.
Finally: (p. 96)
"4. Possessions are to be used, not loved. One of Jesus' most frightening warnings to contemporary America was His rebuke of the rich landowner in Luke 12. When the landowner's fields yielded a great harvest, he greedily built huge barns and stored up his earthly treasure for the years to come. Now, he thought, life will be easy and secure. God's judgment was swift. He called the landowner a fool, and that night the man's life was taken from him. "Watch out!" warned Jesus. "Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions" (Luke 12:15).
It seems rather harsh that the man's life was taken. We do need to take note the warning and the urgency Jesus places on His statement in Luke 12. Indeed possessions are to be used and not loved. The problem here was greed. Jesus did not say anything is wrong in the success of the man. It was his heart and his focus. It was a heart and focus off of God and on gaining more and keeping it. The man from Luke 12 is a warning to all of us. Many of us in our 20s are in a state of transition. What are we to do with our lives? How many things do we want to accomplish before 30 or 40 or 50. There is nothing wrong with setting ambitious goals, that is if those goals have nothing to do with God and everything to do with self-gratification and self-promotion. Again, it is an issue of our hearts and where our focus is.
Dillow does not offer us easy answers or a formula. Rather she asks us to pray. We must come before God with all that we have, acknowledge that it belongs to Him and ask Him what He wants us to do with our abundance. We must also pray Psalm 139:23-24, and ask God to search our hearts. Where is our treasure, is it God or something else. We remember from Scripture that the rich man turned down eternal life because of his great possessions (MK. 10).
Missing from Dillow's chapter is an element of social justice and care for the poor. I think it is appropriate to insert the words from a laborer from World Vision here.
"With regard to American Christians, the question is not, as the saying goes, the size of the dog in the fight. Clearly, the American Church is a very large "dog." But what size is the fight in our dog? Are we fighting the good fight to be faithful stewards of the abundance entrusted to us by God, or does He expect more fight out of us? Are we fighting hard on behalf of the poor; that is, are we giving it all we 'we got? These are the questions we must each ask, not only of our churches, but of ourselves individually. And they are not easy to answer.
There is much at stake. The world we live in is under siege—three billion are desperately poor, one billion hungry, millions are trafficked in human slavery, ten million children die needlessly each year, wars and conflicts are wreaking havoc, pandemic diseases are spreading, ethnic hatred is flaming, and terrorism is growing. Most of our brothers and sisters in Christ in the developing world live in grinding poverty. And in the midst of this stands the Church of Jesus Christ in America, with resources, knowledge, and tools unequaled in the history of Christendom. I believe that we stand on the brink of a defining moment. We have a choice to make.
When historians look back in one hundred years, what will they write about this nation of 340,000 churches? What will they say of the Church's response to the great challenges of our time—AIDS, poverty, hunger, terrorism, war? Will they say that these authentic Christians rose up courageously and responded to the tide of human suffering, that they rushed to the front lines to comfort the afflicted and to douse the flames of hatred? Will they write of an unprecedented outpouring of generosity to meet the urgent needs of the world's poor? Will they speak of the moral leadership and compelling vision of our leaders? Will they write that this, the beginning of the twenty-first century, was the Church's finest hour?
Or will they look back and see a Church too comfortable, insulated from the pain of the rest of the world, empty of compassion, and devoid of deeds? Will they write about a people who stood by and watched while a hundred million died of AIDS and fifty million children were orphaned, of Christians who lived in luxury and self-indulgence while millions died for lack of food and water? Will schoolchildren read in disgust about a Church that had the wealth to build great sanctuaries but lacked the will to build schools, hospitals, and clinics? In short, will we be remembered as the Church with a gaping hole in its gospel?
I believe that much more is at stake than global economics or world missions. More is at risk even than the lives of the poor and the orphaned. The heart and soul of the Church of Jesus Christ, the very integrity of our faith and our relevance in the world, hang in the balance. (Stearns, 2009 p. 238-239)
Lord Jesus, let this song be the prayer of our hearts and the cry of our souls.
Power of Your Name
Surely children weren't made for the streets
And fathers were not made to leave
Surely this isn't how it should be
Let Your Kingdom come
Surely nations were not made for war
Or the broken meant to be ignored
Surely this just can't be what You saw
Let Your Kingdom come
Here in my heart
And I will live
To carry on compassion
To love a world that's broken
To be Your hands and feet
And I will give
With the life that I've been given
And go beyond religion
To see the world be changed
By the power of Your name
By the power of Your name
Surely life wasn't made to regret
And the lost were not made to forget
Surely faith without action is dead
Let Your Kingdom come
Lord break this heart
And I will live
To carry on compassion
To love a world that's broken
To be Your hands and feet
And I will give
With the life that I've been given
And go beyond religion
To see the world be changed
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
By the power of Your name
Your name
Is a shelter for the hurting
Jesus Your name
Is a refuge for the weak
Only Your name
Can redeem the undeserving
Jesus Your name
Holds everything I need
And I will live
To carry on compassion
To love a world that's broken
To be Your hands and feet
And I will give
With the life that I've been given
And go beyond religion
To see this world be changed
By the power of Your name
And I will live
To carry on compassion
To love a world that's broken
To be Your hands and feet
And I will give
With the life that I've been given
And go beyond religion
To see the world be changed
By the power of Your name
The power of Your name.
God has really worked on my ability to accept what He has given over these seven months away from home. I am living in an apartment for the first time in my life. It is not a large apartment. The living space is smaller than the size of my living room in Sacramento. No back yard, no front yard, no garage. There is just one bathroom and it is quite small. It was really hard to adjust at first. I cannot lie, I was quite disappointed when I did a walk through of the place the first time. In my mind, I was thinking, I can't believe I am going to be living here. I am not one who wants a big house, but it would be nice to have a little bit more space.
"Whether we crave inexpensive treasures or designer creations, the issue is the same: greed. When we purchase more than we can afford, we are discontent with what God has given. We no longer trust that God knows best and that He will supply our needs. How do we keep our hearts centered on God, with a thankfulness for what He has given, instead of acquiring more and more? The only way is to keep His perspective in our hearts, to burn it into our minds." (Dillow, 2007 p. 92).
That is the issue. How can I be content with what God has given and provided. The earthquake in Japan really helps to put things into perspective. Thousands dead, many more homeless in cold temperatures. Wherever we live, if we have a roof over our heads, we are blessed. I think in modern times in industrialized nations it is hard to distinguish between need and greed.
I love Dillow's principles on possessions. (p. 92)
1. Everything belongs to God. "Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours. Yours. O Lord, is the kingdom; you are exalted as head over all. Wealth and honor come from you; you are the ruler of all things. In your hands are strength and power to exalt and give strength to all. . . . Everything comes from you, and we have given you only what comes from your hand" (i Chronicles 29:11-14, italics mine).
That really changes things. This place that I inhabit, its not mine. Well, it really isn't mine because I pay rent, but neither is the house in Sacramento. It has the name of my parents, but even still it is not the possession of my parents. Everything belongs to God. That puts tremendous responsibility on us to take care of it and to be thankful for it. One might say it is by my own hard work that I have what I have. Yet, the believer knows that God both gives us the skills and abilities to work and the opportunity to do what we are doing. He also placed us in the geographical location where we are at. I cannot imagine what life would be like if I was in a country that does not value democracy and capitalism.
Principle #2 (p. 93).
2. Heart attitude is the issue. Psalm 62:10 says, "Though your riches increase, do not set your heart on them." God cares about where your heart is, where your treasure is. Listen to Jesus' words:
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matthew 6:19-21)
That is a penetrating question. Where is my heart? Where is your heart? Sadly, my focus sometimes is on the heavenly treasure because it is so much more immediate. Right now, I am looking for work and the process has been long and hard at times. But for the one who is employed, there is an equal warning to not desire the accumulation of more at the expense of forgetting God.
Dillow asks a powerful question to assess where our treasure is. She asks us to take inventory of what we own and then:
"Suppose this treasure were lost, destroyed, or stolen tomorrow. Would I miss it to the point that it would harm my trust in God, my contentment, or my relationships? If the answer is yes. then your treasure is on earth." (p. 94)
I think when we own items with great economic value this question becomes harder to answer. For instance if we own a fairly new motor vehicle which we bought for a large sum of money or expensive jewelry either bought or given to us. Some things are very difficult to replace. I love the promise Dillow quotes from Hebrews. "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you: never will I forsake you"' (Hebrews 13:5). Our possessions can leave. Not by their own will, but they can be taken away. Clothing can get old and stained by coffee. Computers will break down. Material things do not last.
Principle 3: (p.96).
"God comes first and possessions come second. "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money" (Matthew 6:24).
I am not quite sure if possessions come second but I see her point. I think people come second and possessions come a very distant third. Nevertheless, God comes first. Possessions make for terrible gods. They have no divine power and no feelings.
Finally: (p. 96)
"4. Possessions are to be used, not loved. One of Jesus' most frightening warnings to contemporary America was His rebuke of the rich landowner in Luke 12. When the landowner's fields yielded a great harvest, he greedily built huge barns and stored up his earthly treasure for the years to come. Now, he thought, life will be easy and secure. God's judgment was swift. He called the landowner a fool, and that night the man's life was taken from him. "Watch out!" warned Jesus. "Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions" (Luke 12:15).
It seems rather harsh that the man's life was taken. We do need to take note the warning and the urgency Jesus places on His statement in Luke 12. Indeed possessions are to be used and not loved. The problem here was greed. Jesus did not say anything is wrong in the success of the man. It was his heart and his focus. It was a heart and focus off of God and on gaining more and keeping it. The man from Luke 12 is a warning to all of us. Many of us in our 20s are in a state of transition. What are we to do with our lives? How many things do we want to accomplish before 30 or 40 or 50. There is nothing wrong with setting ambitious goals, that is if those goals have nothing to do with God and everything to do with self-gratification and self-promotion. Again, it is an issue of our hearts and where our focus is.
Dillow does not offer us easy answers or a formula. Rather she asks us to pray. We must come before God with all that we have, acknowledge that it belongs to Him and ask Him what He wants us to do with our abundance. We must also pray Psalm 139:23-24, and ask God to search our hearts. Where is our treasure, is it God or something else. We remember from Scripture that the rich man turned down eternal life because of his great possessions (MK. 10).
Missing from Dillow's chapter is an element of social justice and care for the poor. I think it is appropriate to insert the words from a laborer from World Vision here.
"With regard to American Christians, the question is not, as the saying goes, the size of the dog in the fight. Clearly, the American Church is a very large "dog." But what size is the fight in our dog? Are we fighting the good fight to be faithful stewards of the abundance entrusted to us by God, or does He expect more fight out of us? Are we fighting hard on behalf of the poor; that is, are we giving it all we 'we got? These are the questions we must each ask, not only of our churches, but of ourselves individually. And they are not easy to answer.
There is much at stake. The world we live in is under siege—three billion are desperately poor, one billion hungry, millions are trafficked in human slavery, ten million children die needlessly each year, wars and conflicts are wreaking havoc, pandemic diseases are spreading, ethnic hatred is flaming, and terrorism is growing. Most of our brothers and sisters in Christ in the developing world live in grinding poverty. And in the midst of this stands the Church of Jesus Christ in America, with resources, knowledge, and tools unequaled in the history of Christendom. I believe that we stand on the brink of a defining moment. We have a choice to make.
When historians look back in one hundred years, what will they write about this nation of 340,000 churches? What will they say of the Church's response to the great challenges of our time—AIDS, poverty, hunger, terrorism, war? Will they say that these authentic Christians rose up courageously and responded to the tide of human suffering, that they rushed to the front lines to comfort the afflicted and to douse the flames of hatred? Will they write of an unprecedented outpouring of generosity to meet the urgent needs of the world's poor? Will they speak of the moral leadership and compelling vision of our leaders? Will they write that this, the beginning of the twenty-first century, was the Church's finest hour?
Or will they look back and see a Church too comfortable, insulated from the pain of the rest of the world, empty of compassion, and devoid of deeds? Will they write about a people who stood by and watched while a hundred million died of AIDS and fifty million children were orphaned, of Christians who lived in luxury and self-indulgence while millions died for lack of food and water? Will schoolchildren read in disgust about a Church that had the wealth to build great sanctuaries but lacked the will to build schools, hospitals, and clinics? In short, will we be remembered as the Church with a gaping hole in its gospel?
I believe that much more is at stake than global economics or world missions. More is at risk even than the lives of the poor and the orphaned. The heart and soul of the Church of Jesus Christ, the very integrity of our faith and our relevance in the world, hang in the balance. (Stearns, 2009 p. 238-239)
Lord Jesus, let this song be the prayer of our hearts and the cry of our souls.
Power of Your Name
Surely children weren't made for the streets
And fathers were not made to leave
Surely this isn't how it should be
Let Your Kingdom come
Surely nations were not made for war
Or the broken meant to be ignored
Surely this just can't be what You saw
Let Your Kingdom come
Here in my heart
And I will live
To carry on compassion
To love a world that's broken
To be Your hands and feet
And I will give
With the life that I've been given
And go beyond religion
To see the world be changed
By the power of Your name
By the power of Your name
Surely life wasn't made to regret
And the lost were not made to forget
Surely faith without action is dead
Let Your Kingdom come
Lord break this heart
And I will live
To carry on compassion
To love a world that's broken
To be Your hands and feet
And I will give
With the life that I've been given
And go beyond religion
To see the world be changed
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
By the power of Your name
Your name
Is a shelter for the hurting
Jesus Your name
Is a refuge for the weak
Only Your name
Can redeem the undeserving
Jesus Your name
Holds everything I need
And I will live
To carry on compassion
To love a world that's broken
To be Your hands and feet
And I will give
With the life that I've been given
And go beyond religion
To see this world be changed
By the power of Your name
And I will live
To carry on compassion
To love a world that's broken
To be Your hands and feet
And I will give
With the life that I've been given
And go beyond religion
To see the world be changed
By the power of Your name
The power of Your name.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
forgiveness
I read this post in the Sacramento Bee this morning that reminded me of the last post from Osmond. It's an amazing story of forgiveness. I'm not ashamed to say I cried (just a tiny bit...) when reading the end of this story.
Family reunion proves brief for former Sacramento homeless man
WILD ROSE, Wis. – On a spring day that held the threat of snow, Krista Szymborski fed melted ice cream and pureed peaches to her dying father, who had abandoned her and her brothers and sisters so many years ago.
A few days later her mother, Sandra, gently bathed the lifeless body of the man who back then had left her with five children to raise on a nurse's salary.
Forgiveness, they said, comes in many shapes and forms.
Richard Nary, who died of cancer April 14, just 16 months after his unlikely reunion with the family he had fled more than three decades earlier, made terrible mistakes in his life, the women agreed.
"We all forgave," said Szymborski, 39, wearing the simple beaded necklace that Nary had around his neck when he hit his low point, sleeping in a cardboard box behind a gas station near Howe Avenue and Hurley Way in Sacramento.
"That doesn't mean that we forget."
Nary, who moved to this sleepy Midwestern town early last year to live with Szymborski and her husband, Craig, died at age 69 in a room filled with family photographs, a wall decorated with greeting cards and a billfold with $113 inside.
It was far more than he felt he deserved when, nearly two years ago, a stranger rescued him from almost certain death on the streets of Sacramento.
Yet for Szymborski, who was a toddler when her dad left the family, these final months went all too fast. She was still getting to know Nary when she lost him again to illnesses that likely stemmed from his years of alcoholism, chain-smoking and homelessness.
"He was the center of my world for 16 months," she said last week, sitting with her mother in the tidy downstairs bedroom where her father spent his final days. "I don't know what to do without him."
Mother and daughter looked at each other, tears in their eyes, and Sandra Nary shook her head. How in the world had she found herself here, nursing her estranged husband to his death from cancer?
"I didn't do it for him," she said matter-of-factly. "I did it for Krista."
By the time Sandra arrived in Wild Rose in January to help care for Richard, her memories of him were remote, and mostly negative.
"I knew that Krista had been looking for him for awhile," she said. "For a long time, she thought he was dead, and that was OK by me."
But when her youngest daughter called, sobbing, asking her to leave her home in upstate New York to help care for the man who chose alcohol over family some 35 years ago, Sandra agreed.
She was a nurse, after all, "and to me he was just an old man who was very sick," she said. "As far as the past goes, you put things away when you have to, and you just don't dwell on them."
So she packed for Wisconsin, and tried to remember the good times.
A father leaves home
Sandra Nary is 67 years old, with wispy blond hair streaked with gray and legs that are stiff from arthritis and diabetes. But she can remember when she and Richard were strong enough to take long hikes, and energetic enough to jump on his motorcycle and ride at a moment's notice.Richard was charming and thin as a whippet when they met during her nursing training.
"He worked in the laundry," recalled Sandra. "They starched our uniforms."
After work one night, Richard offered to buy her a drink. She accepted, and soon they were going to state parks and fairs. They married in his parents' living room in Olean, the New York town where she still lives.
The early years were good, she recalled, although she noted that drinking was deeply ingrained in Richard's family life. "They partied quite a lot," she said, and enjoyed raucous card games.
Sandra and Richard lived with his parents for awhile before buying a trailer and then a small house. He worked nights for the railroad, while she took day hours.
They had five children: Richard Jr., Robin, Annette, Scott and Krista. But as their family expanded, the couple grew apart.
"We'd never talk; we'd fight," Sandra said. "It got so he was around less and less," drinking heavily, yelling, ignoring family responsibilities. Finally, he left.
Over the years, he called home occasionally but rarely saw the children. Sometimes he would promise to visit but never show up.
Without his financial support, Sandra relied on her parents and government assistance to raise her family. She filled their Easter baskets with butterscotch and other candies she made by hand. At Christmas, the kids shared the Barbie and Evel Knievel dolls that Sandra placed under the tree. Government cheese and powdered milk helped stretch the food budget.
All the while, Richard traveled the country as a truck driver. He enjoyed life on the road, he would say later, but drowned himself in booze after his shifts, in part because of guilt over leaving his family. "I just faded away," he said.
A daughter reaches out
Richard Nary landed in Sacramento and worked with horses for a time at Cal Expo, but hit his low point after he lost that job. For the better part of six years he lived on the city's streets, and his family lost track of him until a stranger stepped into their lives.In the summer of 2009, Todd Reiners, a regular customer at the Buca de Beppo restaurant on Howe Avenue, noticed a grizzled man in dirty clothes living in a cardboard box near the eatery. One day, Reiners offered Nary a room in his home.
Then he tracked down Szymborski, who had been searching for her father for years.
"I think I have your dad," Reiners told her on Facebook. Szymborski was shocked and elated.
"I had to know if he was alive or dead," she said. "Now that I knew he was alive, I wanted him to see my family."
Szymborski began daily phone conversations with Nary. Mostly, he talked about his new friend Reiners and the folks at Buca de Beppo. He steered clear of the past, and so did she, at first. She told him he had 16 grandchildren and four great-grandchildren, and sent him pictures.
Next, they made plans to meet. Spotting him at the Sacramento airport in January 2010, she saw a shaggy and broken man. But when she looked closer, "I saw a Nary," she said.
By the time she and Craig were ready to go back to Wild Rose, a small town about an hour north of Madison, Wis., her father was ready to move with them.
Her mother and siblings were wary. "Oh boy," said Sandra Nary. "Some of my kids were upset. But Krista really wanted to do this."
Richard Nary boarded the plane with a grocery bag of belongings. He blanched at the cold Midwestern weather, and complained about the isolation of a small town.
But during the next few months he spent time with all of his children, even the two who refused to call him dad. Szymborski introduced him to her daughter, Jalissa Carter, and Carter's son, Gaje, who would bury his small face in Nary's beard and giggle.
At home, Nary spent long summer days outside by the hot tub, admiring the blue skies and listening to the robins chirp.
There were bumps. Nary resented Szymborski for limiting him to three beers a day. He frequently threatened to "get a cab" and head back to Sacramento. He smoked in the house in violation of the rules. He talked too loud in stores and told lewd jokes.
Szymborski let most of his indiscretions slide. His presence had closed a hole in her life.
"He was stubborn as hell, but we made it work," she said with a smile. "I had my dad back, and that was the most important thing."
Tender ministry
Nary had a nagging cough, sparse teeth and an unsteady gait when came to live with the Szymborskis.But he flatly refused to see a doctor until he began having "fainting spells" a few months ago. After one particularly scary incident, Szymborski called an ambulance.
"Get me the hell out of here!" Nary raged once he got to the hospital. "I want to go home!"
Doctors diagnosed him first with pneumonia, and later with cancer of the throat and esophagus.
His health deteriorated rapidly after the diagnosis, and he declined intensive treatment. He began having trouble eating, and his already thin body began to waste away.
By January, with the trees bare of leaves and the stairs to the hot tub covered in snow and ice, Nary was skin and bones and it was clear that his time was short.
Hospice workers came to the house once each week to check on him. But his care fell mostly to his youngest daughter and former wife, whom Nary came to call "Ma."
Sandra kept an eye on her former husband during the day, while Krista was working at a chiropractic center and Craig as a driver for FedEx. The Szymborskis took over at night, with Krista sleeping on a sofa near Nary's room at times to make sure he was safe.
"I have no clue how he is doing it or how he is surviving but he is," she wrote in a Facebook post one day. "The hospice nurse told me when they hold on like this, they are waiting for something or someone. That he has something more to do before he lets go."
Toward the end, when Nary no longer could navigate the steps, his family moved him from his upstairs bedroom to Jalissa's old bedroom off the kitchen. Szymborski decorated it with pictures of horses, and set his two non-working watches on the bedside table. On the floor was a single grocery bag of belongings, including a weathered A's hat and a tattered flannel shirt, that he had brought with him from Sacramento.
Every morning, she and her mother crushed his pain and seizure medications into ginger ale. They cooked his favorite foods and fed him. As he got weaker, they bathed and dressed him, cleaned up his messes and suctioned his throat when he began to choke from the tumors growing inside. They swatted imaginary bugs that he believed had invaded his room.
One day, all of Nary's children arrived in Wild Rose, and his sons carried him to the couch for a family portrait. "Am I dying or what?" Nary quipped.
"Oh, Dad," Szymborski said in the bemused manner in which she typically addressed him. "Come on."
But she knew it was true.
Letting go
As her father lay in bed one chilly spring night, Szymborski sat beside him and asked him a long list of written questions.Who was his first girlfriend? What was his favorite car? Where was the best place he ever lived?
Finally, she asked whether he had any regrets. A stolen bottle of soda? A bar fight? Harsh words to a friend?
At first Nary shook his head, No. But after a few moments, he reconsidered.
"I regret leaving you kids and never calling you," Nary said softly, every word a struggle.
"No regrets, dad," Szymborski told him. "Your family loves you."
He died with his hand on the family portrait.
"I think at that point, he finally got what he wanted," said Szymborski. "In his mind and heart all those years, he wanted his family. He just didn't know how to do it after he left us."
By the time he died, she said, all of Nary's children were able to call him Dad. The family cat, Pixie, who slept on his bed, now wanders aimlessly in and out of his room. Gaje looks for his great-grandfather during his daily visits, and points to his image in photographs.
"He may not remember much about my dad, but he recognizes his Papa and he loves him, and that makes me very happy," Szymborski said.
As of last week, Szymborski had yet to pick up Nary's ashes from the funeral home. Once she musters the courage, she said, she knows what she will do with her father's remains.
She plans to sprinkle them in three special places: upstate New York, where Nary began his family; Boston, which he called his favorite city to visit; and Sacramento, where – in Reiners – he made the best friend of his life.
She has a feeling her father would approve.
"He wouldn't have wanted a big memorial service," she said. "But he definitely wouldn't want to be kept in a box, either. My dad was a free spirit. So I am going to set him free."
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Forgiving When I Don't Feel Like it
(Dillow, 2007) writes about contentment in relationships. If we have been alive for any length of time and if we are human, we will face challenges in relationships. We will face betrayal. We will feel wronged. We will feel hurt. It is so timely that I come across this particular chapter and these particular thoughts during passion week. Dillow brings our focus off of ourselves and back on to Jesus. That is what I love so much about Dillow and her writing. On the section "Jesus' example" Dillow writes:
"All the hurt, fear, and rejection you have ever felt is what the Lord Jesus felt in the Garden of Gethsemane. When He came to the garden to pray that night, Jesus knew He was about to be betrayed and die a painful death on the cross. He had confided in His friends, telling them His heart was at the breaking point with sorrow. He had asked them to lessen His grief by staying up with Him, and they had agreed to do so. Jesus went a short distance away from them and prayed, "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done" (Matthew 26:42). Desiring comfort, He returned to His disciples an hour later only to find them all asleep." (Dillow, 2007 p. 74)
I have gone through this scene so many times but have never considered the mindset of Jesus. In his hour of trouble and trial not even the closest disciples stayed awake. If ever a man felt abandonment it was now. More than that is detailed further in the chapter of Peter's denial. I have included the Gethsemane section and the denial below from the 26th chapter of Matthew.
Gethsemane
36 Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” 37 He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. 38 Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”
39 Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”
40 Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. 41 “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
42 He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.”
43 When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. 44 So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing.
45 Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour has come, and the Son of Man is delivered into the hands of sinners. 46 Rise! Let us go! Here comes my betrayer!”
Peter Disowns Jesus
69 Now Peter was sitting out in the courtyard, and a servant girl came to him. “You also were with Jesus of Galilee,” she said.
70 But he denied it before them all. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said.
71 Then he went out to the gateway, where another servant girl saw him and said to the people there, “This fellow was with Jesus of Nazareth.”
72 He denied it again, with an oath: “I don’t know the man!”
73 After a little while, those standing there went up to Peter and said, “Surely you are one of them; your accent gives you away.”
74 Then he began to call down curses, and he swore to them, “I don’t know the man!”
Immediately a rooster crowed. 75 Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: “Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly.
Can you picture this? Jesus was agonizing the events of His future and the disciples fell asleep. They failed Him not once, but three times. Have we felt the sting of disappointment from friends? Sometimes it is trivial, other times it is real let down. In either case it hurts and it happens. Dillow makes this true and powerful statement. "When we love, we open ourselves to the possibility of hurt." (Dillow, 2007 p. 76) It is those who are closest to us who can hurt us the most. Love makes us vulnerability to the pains of disappointment and betrayal. At the same time there are many joys to love.
Both love and forgiveness are choices. How did Jesus respond? "Did you notice that Jesus said, "Let us go"? He used the word us. Even after they betrayed Him, Jesus reached out to His friends." (Dillow, 2007 p. 76). How many of us would have been "forget it!" The natural response to let down and disappointment is unforgiveness and / or vengeance. The natural way is to have nothing to do with the person or to punish them. Jesus does neither. His way is the way of forgiveness and reconciliation. Jesus also teaches us the way of grace.
Dillow calls this going beyond forgiveness. Are feelings for the person who hurt us are negative but we are not to act on those feelings. Rather we act on what we know to be true from Scripture. These are choices we make even when the choices contradict how we feel. I’ve learned over the years that feelings are unreliable and must be tested and examined by truth. Choices are linked to will. I can control what I do even if I don't feel like doing it. Dillow took Romans 12 into practice.
17Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"[d]says the Lord. 20On the contrary:
"If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." 21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Rom 12:17-21)
Dillow took these verses and personalized it to the person who hurt her, to bless, honor, and love the one who offended her.
"As I prayed for Jana and asked, "How can I bless her?" God gave me creative ways to reach out in love. When she was discouraged about her ministry, I wrote her a letter of encouragement. When her mother visited. I invited Jana and her mother to lunch. Did I feel loving? No. Did I feel like giving a blessing? No. But God continued to prompt me to go beyond forgiveness. To put the act of forgiving into the action of forgiving. To make secret choices in my heart, in my will. My choices had nothing whatever to do with my feelings." (Dillow, 2007 p. 81)
This seems easy to do. It seems easy to do when we are not in that situation. The reality is that going beyond forgiveness is real difficult. Dillow adds the emphasis of prayer. None of these actions of grace come naturally. They really do not come naturally when are minds are bent towards doing that person harm. We need to be in tune to God and to hear from Him and how we can bless, honor, and love those who have hurt us. It takes divine enablement and wisdom to love someone the way God would.
Dillow asks us what choices can we commit to.. Dillow calls these secret choices. (Dillow, 2007 p. 82) These are her choices:
What I choose to be - faithful to God
What I choose to do - forgive others, go beyond forgiveness
What I choose to sow words of blessing and love
Dillow, in her section, "How often must I forgive", includes the classic text on forgiveness from Matthew 18. She writes that 490 is not the magic number of times to forgive. Rather, we are to keep on forgiving. If we add the context of Romans 12, then we are to continually forgive and continually love. I would add that this particular text shows us the huge discrepancy between the debt we owe to God that He forgave us from and the debt people owe to us. Our debt could never be paid of but Jesus paid it in full so that forgiveness could be made possible. Jesus is the center of this passion week and He is to always be our focus especially when it comes to forgiving others.
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26 “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’
30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.
32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
Forgiveness is a serious issue with God. Forgiveness is at the heart of the Gospel. I like songs that remind me of the reality of the Gospel. This song seems appropriate during passion week and being reminded of what Jesus has done so that we are able to extent grace and mercy to others.
You Are My King
I'm forgiven because you were forsaken
I'm accepted, You were condemned
I'm alive and well
Your spirit is within me
Because you died and rose again
I'm forgiven because you were forsaken
I'm accepted, you were condemned
I'm alive and well
Your spirit is within me
Because you died and rose again
Amazing love, how can it be?
That you, my king. would die for me
Amazing love, I know it's true
Its my joy to honor you
Amazing love how can it be?
That my king would die for me
Amazing love I know it's true
Its my joy to honor you
In all I do
I honor you
I'm forgiven because you were forsaken
I'm accepted, you were condemned
I'm alive and well
Your spirit is within me
Because you died and rose again
Amazing love how can it be
That you, my king would die for me
Amazing love, I know its true
It's my joy to honor you
Amazing love how can it be?
That you, my king, would die for me
Amazing love, I know its true
Its my joy to honor you
In all I do I honor you
You are my king
You are my king
Jesus, You are my king
Jesus, You are my king
Amazing love, how can it be?
That you, my king, would die for me
Amazing love, I know it's true
Its my joy to honor you
Amazing love, how can it be?
That you, my king would die for me
Amazing love I know it's true
Its my joy to honor you
In all I do I honor you
In all I do honor you
"All the hurt, fear, and rejection you have ever felt is what the Lord Jesus felt in the Garden of Gethsemane. When He came to the garden to pray that night, Jesus knew He was about to be betrayed and die a painful death on the cross. He had confided in His friends, telling them His heart was at the breaking point with sorrow. He had asked them to lessen His grief by staying up with Him, and they had agreed to do so. Jesus went a short distance away from them and prayed, "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done" (Matthew 26:42). Desiring comfort, He returned to His disciples an hour later only to find them all asleep." (Dillow, 2007 p. 74)
I have gone through this scene so many times but have never considered the mindset of Jesus. In his hour of trouble and trial not even the closest disciples stayed awake. If ever a man felt abandonment it was now. More than that is detailed further in the chapter of Peter's denial. I have included the Gethsemane section and the denial below from the 26th chapter of Matthew.
Gethsemane
36 Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” 37 He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. 38 Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”
39 Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”
40 Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. 41 “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
42 He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.”
43 When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. 44 So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing.
45 Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour has come, and the Son of Man is delivered into the hands of sinners. 46 Rise! Let us go! Here comes my betrayer!”
Peter Disowns Jesus
69 Now Peter was sitting out in the courtyard, and a servant girl came to him. “You also were with Jesus of Galilee,” she said.
70 But he denied it before them all. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said.
71 Then he went out to the gateway, where another servant girl saw him and said to the people there, “This fellow was with Jesus of Nazareth.”
72 He denied it again, with an oath: “I don’t know the man!”
73 After a little while, those standing there went up to Peter and said, “Surely you are one of them; your accent gives you away.”
74 Then he began to call down curses, and he swore to them, “I don’t know the man!”
Immediately a rooster crowed. 75 Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: “Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly.
Can you picture this? Jesus was agonizing the events of His future and the disciples fell asleep. They failed Him not once, but three times. Have we felt the sting of disappointment from friends? Sometimes it is trivial, other times it is real let down. In either case it hurts and it happens. Dillow makes this true and powerful statement. "When we love, we open ourselves to the possibility of hurt." (Dillow, 2007 p. 76) It is those who are closest to us who can hurt us the most. Love makes us vulnerability to the pains of disappointment and betrayal. At the same time there are many joys to love.
Both love and forgiveness are choices. How did Jesus respond? "Did you notice that Jesus said, "Let us go"? He used the word us. Even after they betrayed Him, Jesus reached out to His friends." (Dillow, 2007 p. 76). How many of us would have been "forget it!" The natural response to let down and disappointment is unforgiveness and / or vengeance. The natural way is to have nothing to do with the person or to punish them. Jesus does neither. His way is the way of forgiveness and reconciliation. Jesus also teaches us the way of grace.
Dillow calls this going beyond forgiveness. Are feelings for the person who hurt us are negative but we are not to act on those feelings. Rather we act on what we know to be true from Scripture. These are choices we make even when the choices contradict how we feel. I’ve learned over the years that feelings are unreliable and must be tested and examined by truth. Choices are linked to will. I can control what I do even if I don't feel like doing it. Dillow took Romans 12 into practice.
17Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"[d]says the Lord. 20On the contrary:
"If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." 21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Rom 12:17-21)
Dillow took these verses and personalized it to the person who hurt her, to bless, honor, and love the one who offended her.
"As I prayed for Jana and asked, "How can I bless her?" God gave me creative ways to reach out in love. When she was discouraged about her ministry, I wrote her a letter of encouragement. When her mother visited. I invited Jana and her mother to lunch. Did I feel loving? No. Did I feel like giving a blessing? No. But God continued to prompt me to go beyond forgiveness. To put the act of forgiving into the action of forgiving. To make secret choices in my heart, in my will. My choices had nothing whatever to do with my feelings." (Dillow, 2007 p. 81)
This seems easy to do. It seems easy to do when we are not in that situation. The reality is that going beyond forgiveness is real difficult. Dillow adds the emphasis of prayer. None of these actions of grace come naturally. They really do not come naturally when are minds are bent towards doing that person harm. We need to be in tune to God and to hear from Him and how we can bless, honor, and love those who have hurt us. It takes divine enablement and wisdom to love someone the way God would.
Dillow asks us what choices can we commit to.. Dillow calls these secret choices. (Dillow, 2007 p. 82) These are her choices:
What I choose to be - faithful to God
What I choose to do - forgive others, go beyond forgiveness
What I choose to sow words of blessing and love
Dillow, in her section, "How often must I forgive", includes the classic text on forgiveness from Matthew 18. She writes that 490 is not the magic number of times to forgive. Rather, we are to keep on forgiving. If we add the context of Romans 12, then we are to continually forgive and continually love. I would add that this particular text shows us the huge discrepancy between the debt we owe to God that He forgave us from and the debt people owe to us. Our debt could never be paid of but Jesus paid it in full so that forgiveness could be made possible. Jesus is the center of this passion week and He is to always be our focus especially when it comes to forgiving others.
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26 “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’
30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.
32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
Forgiveness is a serious issue with God. Forgiveness is at the heart of the Gospel. I like songs that remind me of the reality of the Gospel. This song seems appropriate during passion week and being reminded of what Jesus has done so that we are able to extent grace and mercy to others.
You Are My King
I'm forgiven because you were forsaken
I'm accepted, You were condemned
I'm alive and well
Your spirit is within me
Because you died and rose again
I'm forgiven because you were forsaken
I'm accepted, you were condemned
I'm alive and well
Your spirit is within me
Because you died and rose again
Amazing love, how can it be?
That you, my king. would die for me
Amazing love, I know it's true
Its my joy to honor you
Amazing love how can it be?
That my king would die for me
Amazing love I know it's true
Its my joy to honor you
In all I do
I honor you
I'm forgiven because you were forsaken
I'm accepted, you were condemned
I'm alive and well
Your spirit is within me
Because you died and rose again
Amazing love how can it be
That you, my king would die for me
Amazing love, I know its true
It's my joy to honor you
Amazing love how can it be?
That you, my king, would die for me
Amazing love, I know its true
Its my joy to honor you
In all I do I honor you
You are my king
You are my king
Jesus, You are my king
Jesus, You are my king
Amazing love, how can it be?
That you, my king, would die for me
Amazing love, I know it's true
Its my joy to honor you
Amazing love, how can it be?
That you, my king would die for me
Amazing love I know it's true
Its my joy to honor you
In all I do I honor you
In all I do honor you
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Each Day Is A Gift
It is very difficult sometimes to count our blessings when our perception is so skewed. Many times in those moments, I think to myself, so and so has such an awesome life. I wish I were someone else and somewhere else. This whole being in Upstate New York has totally worked on my attitude. It is so gloomy, cold, and cloudy here, even in April. My professor yesterday asked me how visiting home was and my first reaction was it is much warmer and sunny. She replied by saying hopefully it will get warmer here soon. For 29 years of my life I grew up where it was warm, sunny, and pleasant. For the past year I have lived in a region of the country that does not see much sun. I wish I were back in California!
(Dillow:2007) discusses contentment in our roles. She includes an exchange of three friends from college several years after graduation. It is quite interesting to read these letters. Each woman has different roles. The two letters I found pertinent to the chapter is from the mother versus the single. The following is the letter from the mom:
Dear Terri, The elementary bus just picked up Adam, and the twins are down for a nap, so I might have time to finish this note, if you could see through e-mail, you'd see that my new white blouse is now purple — part of a long and complicated breakfast accident, on which I'd rather not elaborate. Suffice it to say, we now REALLY need new den carpeting. Thank you for remembering my birthday. The perfumed soap and bubble bath are a real treat, and I'm looking forward to a long soak next fall, when the twins start kindergarten. I heard from Laura a few weeks ago. She's going back to school to finish her degree. I'm so jealous! The only books I have time to read these days use the same words over and over and over, hop, pop, top, and stop. Write when you can. I know you're traveling a lot, and I like hearing about those exotic places. Love, Sheryl (Dillow:2007 p. 59-60)
This letter captures her busyness. It also captures her discontent as a mom. She wishes she has time to read. She believes her friend has a better life going to so many places in the world, but does her friend enjoy the life that she's been given:
Dear Sheryl,
I wish I could spend a weekend at your house, holding Adam and the twins on my lap and reading hop, pop, top, and stop instead of these tedious sales reports. You're so lucky to have a young family that adores you. I'm still hoping, but I'm afraid my biological clock got left in another time zone. Spent last week in Paris. Overrated. I hate baguettes. Next time I have to go overseas, I'm packing a loaf of Wonderbread.
Love, Jerri (Dillow:2007 p. 60)
I make note of these two exchanges because their lives are so different and yet both are discontent. One wants to be a mom while the other wishes she could travel the world. The one who gets to travel the world talks about how the world class cities are overrated and complains about the food there. As the reader, unattached from both their worlds, I don't know where they are coming from. I wish I had children, but I don't know what that involves. I am sure there are many challenges. Dillow confronts the women who she quotes responding to the question when does a woman become an adult: "Perhaps it's when she stops comparing her life to other women's. When she stops waiting for "Mr. Right." When she stops wishing she'd married someone else or that her children were at an easier stage." (p. 61)
Comparing, waiting for a better spouse, being unhappy in present situations. Dillow asks for us to change the way we think about our roles, to take on God's perspectives. We need to thank God for what He has given us. "We grow up when we see our life and our role from God's perspective; when we thank God for the role He has assigned us and begin to see our cup as a gift instead of a cross; when each morning we ask, "God, how can I glorify You today in my given role?" (p. 61)
That is a God-honoring and powerful prayer. How can I glorify You God in my role today. I bet the world would change if every man and every woman of God prays that each morning and is tune to how God answers. It begins with us. What happens if we accept our roles versus if we don't? "If we're trusting God that His portion for us is best, we can make the secret choices that will bring us a heart of contentment. If we don't accept God's portion for us, we will become women with spirits of discontent." (Dillow:2007 p. 63).
It goes back to trusting God. That is trusting God that He knows what He's doing. Every circumstance and role He has designed for us. It is how we respond to it. Dillow's section with all roles provide opportunities is probably the best in this chapter because it points us back to Jesus. She asks the question why did Jesus come to earth. "Jesus gave His primary reason when He said He came not to be served but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many (Matthew 20:28). He asks you and me to enter our worlds with the same purpose. Jesus humbled Himself and took the role of a servant. He used His assigned role to minister to those around Him and to give the ultimate gift of His very life. I don't think many of us have ever thought about this before, and yet if we did. I believe our attitudes would be transformed." (Dillow:2007 p. 64)
I think if we really think about it, discontent is selfish. It is wanting something else. For the Christian it is saying to God that we are unhappy with the gifts He has given us and we want something else. Contentment happens when we look upward to God and then outward to our world, worship and witness. God truly has given us a lot no matter who we are because for all of us He's given us Himself and that by itself is huge. Would we celebrate His goodness and be a blessing to others today. We've sang this song many times at DCCC. Last year's retreat we closed the first night's Bible study with this song.
Take my life, and let it be
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Take my life, and let it be
consecrated, Lord, to thee;
take my moments and my days,
let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands, and let them move
at the impulse of thy love;
take my feet, and let them be
swift and beautiful for thee.
Take my voice, and let me sing
always, only, for my King;
take my lips, and let them be
filled with messages from thee.
Take my silver and my gold,
not a mite would I withhold;
take my intellect, and use
every power as thou shalt choose.
Take my will and make it thine;
it shall be no longer mine.
take my heart, it is thine own;
it shall be thy royal throne.
Take my love; my Lord,
I pour at thy feet its treasure store;
take my self, and I will be ever, only, all for thee.
Monday, April 11, 2011
What is contentment?
Contentment has always been something that I've had trouble defining. I know what it feels like, but I have a lot of trouble putting it into words. Today I read a blog post on another site about contentment. The author of the post shares a quote from The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment. She defines contentment as "that sweet, inward, quiet, gracious frame of spirit, which freely submits to and delights in God’s wise and fatherly disposal in every condition.”
I think that's a pretty good definition for us followers of Christ. Anyways I thought I'd share that since we're reading a book about contentment. You can read the rest of the post here-
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Fearfully and Wonderfully Made for His Purpose and Glory
Fearfully and Wonderfully Made for His Purpose and Glory
(Dillow;2007) She finds out from her daughter that she is pregnant. She inserts her prayer for her yet-to-be-born granddaughter.
When I was younger I never thought about praying for the yet-to-be-born. I never thought about praying for the not-yet-encountered. I am now approaching a month before I turn 30. I am finding myself praying for the wife I have not-yet-met more and more. Dillow's prayer is both personal and Scriptural. She prays through Psalm 139. It is an incredibly intimate and marvelous Psalm to pray over for loved ones.
O God, I praise You that You are intimately acquainted with all her ways. I thank You that You have gone before her and followed her and that You placed Your hand of blessing on her head. This knowledge overwhelms me with gratitude. I thank You. Right now. You, the Master Weaver, are forming her personality and emotional makeup, weaving them together in my daughter's womb. Wonderful are Your works!You know all about my granddaughter. You are knitting together her body, soul, and spirit. As a crafter creates intricate embroidery stitches. You are superintending every detail of her beautiful design. You have prerecorded all the days set before her on this earth. Already You are preparing her portion and her cup .O God. You are great! I praise You! You have created who she is to be but also what she is to do. You have created her to fulfill a unique plan ordained especially for her. Truly my grandchild is fearfully and wonderfully made. I praise You for Your awesome work. (Dillow;2007 p. 41-42).
Dillow spends some time in unraveling the details of how God made each one of us. As I ponder these thoughts, I am brought back to Genesis one where we find the creation story and how God has made each of us in His image and in Genesis 2 where He spends time and detail on the creation of man and woman in contrast to the birds and fish which are spoken into being. Each human being has great value to God regardless of how much money is in their pocket, the color of their skin, the circumstances they have gone through. The Psalm is full of how God knew each of us before our physical birth. I'm not a parent, but I can imagine how expectant parents grow in anticipation and excitement as the day draws closer for the child to be born. God was intimately involved in all the details of our lives, who our parents would be, where we would live, who our siblings would be, and even what we would look like. He cares for us even before we could even think about Him. Indeed Psalm 139 is one of the most up-lifting and intimate Psalms showing God's care and concern over human life. Sometimes it can be like one of those stories of the Gospels we heard about again and again and somehow it lost its power and significance. Psalm 139 can be like that.
Dillow includes this suggestion for us:
"Open your Bible to this glorious psalm and ask God to give you fresh eyes to see, ears to hear, and a heart to understand what He says to you."
(Dillow;2007 p. 42)
Dillow begins with some reflections over the Psalm. She begins by saying God created our personality. David says in the Psalm that God has searched him and He knows him, v. 1. God knows how we respond to certain things. He knows how we react in traffic. He knows the foods we like to eat, the places we like to visit. God is intimately acquainted with all our ways, v. 3. I think that can be a frightening thought for some. It would be quite a frightening thing if we could read minds. Yet, God fully knows everything about us and still loves us. Dillow elaborates further on the section. She comments on how created our inmost being. "The psalmist goes on to give examples of how intimately God knew him:" For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb" (verse 13). In Hebrew, "inmost being" signifies the seat of the desires and longings, the personality.
Even before David was born. God shaped his personality. Likewise, when God was forming you. He created not only your body but also your emotional makeup — your personality.David is so overwhelmed by these truths that he breaks into praise:
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well" (verse 14).
Have you ever thanked your Creator for His loving supervision of your creation? Have you praised Him for creating your personality? Can you say with David, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made"?"
(Dillow;2007 p. 43)
Praise should be a natural response to knowing God and seeing what He has done. I often wonder why it is that more people aren't praising God. I often wonder why there isn't more thanksgiving and worship. David almost instantaneously breaks out in praise once he reflects on how God fashioned him and knows him. We too should respond in praise when we realize how God is so involved in our lives from the time before we were born until now. Dillow moves from talking about how God made our personality into how He made our bodies. She comments on v. 15 from the NASB.
"In Hebrew, the word translated wrought means "embroidered." It was the same Hebrew word used to refer to the skillful and artistic needlework in the curtains of the Old Testament tabernacle. When God fashioned you in your mother's womb (described in the psalm as "the depths of the earth"), He embroidered with great skill. Although no one else could see you, God saw every detail of the formation of your body. As a weaver intricately embroiders colors together to create a beautiful pattern, God knit together your veins, muscles, nerves, and every curve and indentation that is uniquely yours. What tapestry can begin to equal the human fabric?"
(Dillow;2007 p. 44)
Dillow follows this up by the observation or thought that we think the bodies of others are beautiful but not ours. We have multibillion dollar industries that capture the beauty of the human body in various forms and some of these industries are not so glorifying to God, but it sometimes causes one to compare and we fall short. I wish I was taller.. I wish I was 6'4 rather than 5'9. I wish I had a wider frame and was more muscular. I wish I was more athletic. I wish I was not born blind. How nice it would be if I were born sighted. I wish I were born British with distinguishable British features. Yet, God is responsible for every detail of our body. No detail of our being is too small. God made me Asian, born in America. He gave me Cantonese-speaking parents and raised me up in that tradition so that I can communicate Cantonese with the waiters at Yummy Guide.
Dillow adds a quote she read a while ago and it is one to keep in mind when it comes to making comparisons with others and contentment towards ourselves. It is by the Reverend James Hufstetler.
"You will never really enjoy other people, you will never have stable emotions, you will never lead a life of godly contentment, you will never conquer jealousy and love others as you should until you thank God for making you the way He did."
This section was about our bodies, in terms of physical attributes, but so much more can be added including medical conditions. I think of so many friends and family members with allergies especially in Sacramento spring season. I think of my own physical limitations. Being content with who we are is very challenging.
Dillow ends this section by talking about God made us for a purpose. This is taken from v. 16. All our days were written in God's book. All our experiences as Dillow describes God planned each one of them. God has a plan for us to follow, a path for us to walk. I think the comparison thing also creeps in here. I think sometimes we prefer walking in another's shoes. Currently, I am in Rochester. It is unpleasantly cold and gloomy here. About a day ago I was home in Sacramento where it was sunny, warm, and pleasant. I almost immediately regret coming back once I got of my flight into the cold, windy gloom. I still don't fully know why I am here beyond the academic and immediate purpose. I far rather be in a place of warmer weather. I suppose many of us can find things we don't like about our path, the job we have, or perhaps where we live. Yet, God has us in our particular places to fulfill a purpose. I love the line that no one else can fulfill the purpose God has for us. Dillow inserts a quote from Jerry Bridges. It is a good final thought to end this section.
"God created our inmost being and fashioned us in our mother's womb so that we might be equipped to fulfill the plan that He set out for us even before we were born. Who you are is not a biological accident. What you are is not a circumstantial accident. God planned both for you."
Psalm 139
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, LORD,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
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