Walking Or Riding

It has been about a year since I have revisited this site and wrote my last entry here. A lot has happened since then. I finished my foundation and concentration year clinical internships. I have completed my last year of graduate school and have been job searching for about three weeks now. One week ago, I turned 31. In the midst of what appears to be accomplishments, has been the frustrations of receiving rejection notices, empty job leads, and the sudden onset of major knee pain. This week has been very difficult having received a rejection notice on Tuesday afternoon and then one on Wednesday morning both from agencies serving Asian Americans. The Tuesday rejection notice included the line "You have impressive skills and experience but you do not meet the minimum qualifications". The Wednesday notice was very similar: "We are looking for other applicants with other qualifications". In other words, "you're not who we're looking for". Back to back rejection notices are hard to take. That, plus the increasing pain in my knee is creating this sense of abandonment by God.   

 The Bible states in detail our position in Christ. It paints the Christian as someone who is victorious. King Solomon notes a scene he sees and describes this oddity: "There is an evil I have seen under the sun, the sort of error that arises from a ruler: Fools are put in many high positions, while the rich occupy the low ones. I have seen slaves on horseback, while princes go on foot like slaves" (Ecclesiastes 10:5—7). Princes ride on horseback. Servants go on foot. Spiritually speaking, the children of God should be on horseback, and those material things, money, possessions, and appetites are on food. Wiersbe writes: "too many people are walking when they should be riding. Too many people are acting like servants when in fact they are princes, heirs of the King" (Wiersbe, 2007 p. 12). It is amazing that the second time this week I have been brought back to the first chapter of Genesis. This idea of rulership is painted here: "God blessed them and said to them, 'Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground' "(Genesis 1:28). This was the original design for human beings to have dominion over living things. Yet, in the third chapter our first parents go from sovereigns to sinners to servants. Eve's desire to be like God began the chaos that is still being rebuilt. For the Christian, Adam's disobedience was made right through Christ's obedience. "For if, by the trespass of the one man [Adam], death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God's abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ." The text says that we will reign in life. Here and now. Present tense. This is God's desire:

"God the Father created you to be a king, God the Son redeemed you to be a king, and God the Spirit can empower you to be a king. We reign in life through the power of the Spirit of God. "For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose" (Philippians 2:13). "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us" (Ephesians 3:20). If left to ourselves, we fail; but if we yield to the indwelling Holy Spirit, we succeed. He alone can empower us to live like kings. The question you must answer is, Am I walking or riding! Or, to put it another way, Am / serving my servants, or are they serving me? Are you ruling over the appetites of the body? Are you in control of money and material things? (Money is a wonderful servant but a terrible master.) Are you reigning in life" (Wiersbe, 2007 p. 14).

Prayer:

Heavenly Father, I confess that recently, I have been living far more like a servant than a prince, as an heir of the King. I let worry cripple my faith. I am worried about ever finding employment, worried about my knee situation, worried about tomorrow. Father, in the next few days and weeks I pray that you would be teaching me about what it means to reign in life and live like an heir of the King.

Contentment: Concluding Reflections

This reflection and journey has taken us about three months. It is now the final section. As I write this, there is still no definite summer placement as I await the response from one more agency. Yesterday had been a little bit discouraging with an early morning e-mail from one of the hospitals where I had asked about a possible internship. I wish that my post today would contain good news. The search for a summer placement has been continuous for ten weeks. It is hard at times to focus on the Provider rather than the problem.

Dillow opens up this last section with Psalm 84:


Psalm 84

1 How lovely is your dwelling place,
O LORD Almighty!
2 My soul yearns, even faints,
for the courts of the LORD;
my heart and my flesh cry out
for the living God.

3 Even the sparrow has found a home,
and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may have her young—
a place near your altar,
O LORD Almighty, my King and my God.
4 Blessed are those who dwell in your house;
they are ever praising you.
Selah


5 Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.
6 As they pass through the Valley of Baca,
they make it a place of springs;
the autumn rains also cover it with pools.
7 They go from strength to strength,
till each appears before God in Zion.

8 Hear my prayer, O LORD God Almighty;
listen to me, O God of Jacob.
Selah

9 Look upon our shield, O God;
look with favor on your anointed one.

10 Better is one day in your courts
than a thousand elsewhere;
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of the wicked.
11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
the LORD bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless.

12 O LORD Almighty,
blessed is the man who trusts in you.

"As I read it again, I was reminded of the journey to calmness of heart. It speaks of a woman like you and me who sets her heart on pilgrimage. A pilgrim is defined as "a person who travels to a sacred place." Contentment is a holy place. According to this psalm, the woman is blessed because her strength is in God. As she travels through the valley of weeping, she makes it into a living spring (verses 5-6). My prayer is that you, too, will reach the living spring of contentment." (p. 201).

Contentment is indeed a holy place. Few ever find it. Discontent, stress, anxiety, greed and its siblings are constant companions for so many, even within the household of faith. Those who find contentment are like a living spring. This is so true. I can remember a few sermons when the pastor asks the rhetorical question of what would it be like to be around a Christian who is always thankful about everything. For some of us it would be a little bit annoying, but in truth those who are totally content and thankful for everything are like a living spring.

"I finally saw that although I have a steering wheel, I can give up control. My Driver (God) is totally in control. He has been on the road. He knows the way. He sees ahead to the very end or the
J . 1
road — to all my tomorrows. I can sit back and relax, converse wit the Driver, and enjoy the journey. My focus becomes Him instead of where I'm going." (p. 201).

I like how Dillow uses the car analogy. We think we are driving, but we have no idea where we are going or even the way. God sees the entire road and the entire map yet in our finite minds we want to take control of the steering wheel. I like the last sentence, our focus becomes Him rather than where we are going. It is not about the destination so long as we are in the car with the Lord. What matters is our relationship with Him ass our driver. I can relate to this analogy as I am blind and rely on people to drive me. It is sad when two people can be in the same car for hours and not say a single word and zero relationship exists. I love talking to my friends and family who drive me. It is about relationship. The same applies with our relationship with God.

Dillow returns back to her key verse and key thought.

"What I have been sharing with you throughout this book is that first, foremost, and finally, contentment is a yielding to our Great, Almighty, Holy King. "God ... is the blessed controller of all things, the king over all kings and the master of all masters" (1 Timothy 6:15, ph)."p. 202).

God is in control. Even when I don't understand it, when I can't see it. God is in control. To the degree to which I believe this and submit to His control will dictate my degree of contentment. One day ago after receiving the e-mail I was not ready to take the result too its logical conclusion if I cannot find an internship. It would mean going back to California without a degree and seemingly one year wasted. Though it is still very difficult, I have accepted that if God wants me to return, I will pack my things, and if He allows me to stay, God will provide.

" As we grow in trusting God in all things, our contentment becomes an act of worship. Isn't that a beautiful thought!" (p. 202).

Our trust in God is worship. I love how John Piper states it. God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him. Faith pleases God. It magnifies Him name. Contentment does not depend on place, possessions, or other people. It depends on our trust in the Blessed Controller of all things.

Dillow closes with a prayer. As I await the response from my last agency contact, as I await the move to stay or return home, with a mustard seed of faith, this is my prayer:

"The Lord is my peace. I shall not live in anxiety. He puts me under His wing of comfort and calms my spirit within me. He takes all my anxieties on Himself and helps me to focus on Him. Yes, though I walk through a time of grave uncertainties and fierce anxieties, I will not fret —for You are my peace. Your Word and Your presence calm me now. You hold my uncertainties in the palm of Your hand. You soothe my anxious mind- You smooth my wrinkled brow. Surely serenity and trust in You shall fill me all the days of my life. And I shall keep my mind stayed on You forever} (p.204)

Trusting God on the crooked path

We are almost to the end of the book. I really enjoyed this book and it has been so relevant, so encouraging and so challenging. I would like to continue journeying with you through a new book. Please provide some suggestions.


It is one of "those" days. The first e-mail I received in the morning was from one of the agencies where I interviewed twice. This agency was the farthest drive, 45 minutes one way. I was asked to come in twice. You can see where I am headed with this. The title of the message was internship. It was a short e-mail and those are usually the worst and it was. In polite language they said that they cannot accept me as an intern. Usually this should not be a big deal, but I forwarded the message to the director of field education at the college and she expressed her concerns that this is starting to become problematic. My peers all started their internships five weeks ago and I have been met with ten weeks of failed attempts. Yet, in this, the Lord is good. I received two phone calls from two different hospitals and had two interviews this week. I have no idea how it will turn out, but this situation is not in my control.

I far prefer the times when everything makes sense and things are going well.

"I personally prefer the "straight" times! I like to be able to see how everything is fitting together. The crooked times are difficult, not just because they're crooked but because we can't see how God is working. But those are the times that require faith. Remember, God is fitting things together even when we can't see. It just doesn't feel as good or as safe. The book of Ecclesiastes encourages us to rejoice when life is easy and to trust God when it isn't." (p. 186)

Consider the work of God, for who is able to straighten what He has bent? In the day of prosperity be happy, but in the day of adversity consider — God has made the one as well as the other so that man may not discover anything that will be after him. (Ecclesiastes 7:13-14, nasb)

God has made both the times of prosperity as well as the times of adversity. Human nature far rather prefers the days of prosperity. We try so much to avoid the adversity. Recently I have had Romans 8:28 appear and reappear in my mind especially when the e-mail came in this morning.

"All things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose."'

Yet these situations God places in our lives do not stop us from asking the "why" questions and the "how long" questions. One of my most favorite minor prophets ponders such questions and Dillow reflects on his message.

"Habakkuk was different from the other Old Testament prophets who addressed either their own countrymen or a foreign people. Habakkuk talked to God alone. He was a man with a crooked situation. After the death of Josiah, the last godly king, the people worshiped false gods, and very little honor was given to Yahweh.
Moral corruption was rampant in judah, yet God was silent. Violence and lawlessness raged; God seemed unconcerned. It appeared that God was not working. Habakkuk came before God and asked the age-old questions that tear our hearts apart: "How long, O Lord?""Why, God? Why do You allow evil and wickedness to continue in Judah?" He prayed:" (p. 189).

How long, O Lord, will I call for help.
And Thou wilt not hear?
I cry out to Thee, "Violence!"
Yet Thou dost not save.
Why dost Thou make me see iniquity.
And cause me to look on wickedness?
Yes, destruction and violence are before me;
Strife exists and contention arises.
Therefore, the law is ignored
And justice is never upheld.
For the wicked surround the righteous;
Therefore, justice comes out perverted.
(Habakkuk 1:2-4, nasb)

The circumstances aren't too different from the ones we see here in the United States and around the world, rampant injustice. Volumes have been written from philosophers and Theologians and pastors about this issue of God's sovereignty and human evil, and the book does not go into the why of things but the how. God responds to the questions.


Then the Lord answered me and said,
"Record the vision and inscribe it on tablets.
That the one who reads it may run.
For the vision is yet for the appointed time:
It hastens toward the goal, and it will not fail.
Though it tarries, wait for it;
For it will certainly come, it will not delay.
Behold, as for the proud one.
His soul is not right within him;
But the righteous will live by his faith."
(Habakkuk 2:2-4, nasb)

"God reaffirmed that what Habakkuk had heard was true — the Chaldeans were coming — but Habakkuk was to live by faith. This same statement is repeated three times in the New Testament: "The just shall live by faith" (Romans 1 .-17; Galatians 3:11; Hebrews 1038). In other words, God didn't explain Why; instead He told Habakkuk to trust Him with all his Whys. Habakkuk was to trust God for what he didn't understand, what he couldn't see. He was to walk in the dark with God" (p. 192).

God often does not explain why. The righteous shall live by faith. God is not unaware of the troubles in the world, and the troubles we face. Sometimes the provision or the solution is immediate, while many times it takes a while. Personally, waiting on God while circumstances are impossible and time is growing limited is very difficult.

Chapter 3 of the text is one of the most beautiful expressions of faith in Scripture:

Though the fig tree should not blossom.
And there be no fruit on the vines.
Though the yield of the olive should fail,
And the fields produce no food.
Though the flock should be cut off from the fold,
And there be no cattle in the stalls,
Yet I will exult in the Lord,
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.
The Lord God is my strength.
And He has made my feet like hinds' feet,
And makes me walk on my high places.
(Habakkuk 3:17-19, nasb)

The circumstances did not change, but somehow, some way, we see a movement from questioning God to praising God. Dillow suggests three things that happened.

He told his honest doubts to God.
He resolved to wait on God.
He chose to trust God in the dark. (p. 193)

I came across a beautifully-written song a year ago that has similar elements of doubt, and then the movement towards praise. I am not quite there yet. I want to move from fear to faith.



Yours
Steven Curtis Chapman




I walk the streets of London
And notice in the faces passing by
Something that makes me stop and listen
My heart grows heavy with the cry

Where is the hope for London?
You whisper and my heart begins to soar
As I'm reminded
That every street in London in Yours
Oh, yes it is

I walk the dirt roads of Uganda
I see the scars that war has left behind
Hope like the sun is fading
They're waiting for a cure no one can find

And I hear children's voices singing
Of a God who heals and rescues and restores
And I'm reminded
That every child in Africa is Yours

And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky
To the depths of the ocean floor
And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
You're the Maker and Keeper, Father and Ruler of everything
It's all Yours

And I walk the sidewalks of Nashville
Like Singapore, Manila and Shanghai
I rush by the beggar's hand and the wealthy man
And everywhere I look I realize

That just like the streets of London
For every man and woman, boy and girl
All of creation
This is our Father's world

And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky
To the depths of the ocean floor
And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
You're the Maker and Keeper, Father and Ruler of everything

It's all Yours, God
It's all Yours, God
It's all Yours, God
It's all Yours, God

The glory is Yours, God
All the honor is Yours, God
The power is Yours, God
The glory is Yours, God

You're the King of Kings
And Lord of Lords

And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky
To the depths of the ocean floor
And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
All the greatness and power, the glory and splendor and majesty
Everything is Yours
Yeah, it's all Yours
We are Yours
The glory and honor is Yours, everything is Yours

It's all Yours, God
My life is Yours, my heart is Yours
My hands and my feet are Yours
Every song that I sing
It's all Yours, all is Yours
All belongs to You
Our gifts are Yours, God
All our dreams are Yours, God
All our plans are Yours, God
The whole earth is Yours, God
Everything is Yours

Trusting God with our portion, IF ONLY continued.

Another week, another interview. In less than two hours from now, I will be going to yet another interview at another organization, this time a hospital. I have no idea what to expect. I am four weeks into the summer period and still without a definite placement. Theoretically this will be the most relevant placement because out of all the places I have interviewed, this is directly related to my concentration.

"If we are to find contentment in the midst of trial and uncertainty, we must accept our situation as being purposely allowed into our lives by a personal and loving God. For most of us, this begins by refusing to contract the if Only disease" (p. 173).

Certainly there is a reason why God allows some things and not allow other things. So far, each interview, whether good or bad has resulted in no placement. It is the closed doors that are often the hardest to go through. Yet, open doors are not always a good thing for they can lead to heartache and disappointment if we are not seeking the Lord in those choices.

I always love reading devotional commentaries on certain sections of Scripture. One passage I love is the raising of the brother of Martha by Jesus in John 11:

"Wilma became so distraught over their situation, so paralyzed by the if Only, that on Easter she could not sing "He Lives." She felt God had deserted them. Alone in her drab kitchen, she turned to a pamphlet by A. B. Simpson titled, "The if in Your Life." She read the account of Lazarus's death and how Martha had said to Jesus. "Lord. If Only You had been here, my brother would not have died." And Jesus could have been there; He was not far away. He knew all about it and Lie let Lazarus die.
Wilma realized a great truth: There's an if in every life — something God could have done differently if He had chosen to do so. He has all power, yet He often allows that if to be there. God wanted to meet Wilma's if with His if just as He had for Martha. Jesus told Martha, "Did 1 not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?" (John 11:40). Martha wanted Lazarus to be delivered from death; Christ wanted Lazarus to be triumphant over death.2" (pp. 174-175)

It is that last statement that really sticks out to me. Jesus wanted Lazarus triumph over death. Martha wanted her brother delivered from death. The rhetorical question is "which would bring God greater glory?" Certainly the raising of the dead would be a greater miracle. So often our prayers are so limited. We want God to do X but God wants to do Y and Y is the action that brings Him greater glory. I find it hard then to know what to ask except that in whatever happens that God would get the greatest glory. Death is no small matter. I can imagine the sadness Martha was feeling and the anger towards Jesus for letting her brother die. Yet, in that tragedy, Jesus was at work. Trusting God in those circumstances is incredibly challenging.

Dillow goes on to tell about a woman who finds the man of her dreams only to find several years into the marriage his continual adultery, apology and adultery again. She found out his middle name is charmer. Adultery itself is a kind of death. It is the death of trust and commitment. It is heartbreaking.

"Recently I received another letter from Darla and marveled at her continual growth. She said, "I'm trying to learn obedience and acquiescence to God's will in the tiniest details of my life. I don't want to waste any more of my life being sad and nonfunctioning because of my situation with my husband." Darla is choosing to trust God with her portion." (p. 177)

Dillow goes on to describe one of her favorite Psalms, PS 77. This is the key to trusting God.

Remembering the Deeds of the Lord

"We survive the packages of pain God allows in our lives by remembering who God is and what He has done in the past. When If Onlys invade my mind, when anguish fills my heart, I return to one of my favorite psalms. It is a place where God has met me time after time. Read Psalm 77 and hear the psalmist's pain-drenched words: "My soul refused to be comforted. I remembered you, O God, and I groaned;... I was too troubled to speak. ... Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has his promise failed for all time? Has God forgotten to be merciful?" (Psalm 77:2-4.8-9).
These questions sound like my questions. But listen to how the psalmist's despair changes from pity to praise.

I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds. Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God? You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples. (Psalm 77:11-14)

I will remember. This is a key to trusting God." (p. 179).

Well, God has done so much for me. He has kept me alive and sustained me for 30 years. He got me to this point. I got accepted into this graduate program. I made it through two semesters. Surely God will enable me to finish and provide all that is necessary.

Spiritual Diseases

"Did you know there are spiritual diseases? Two of the deadliest are the "if" diseases. What if and if Only. These illnesses are fraternal twins, alike but not alike. Both lack the eyes of faith. What if looks to the future and worries about what God might allow. If Only looks to the past and grumbles about what God has given. The first leads to anxiety, the second to anger." (p. 157).

Trusting God has become increasingly challenging. The way dillow puts the two diseases, it seems like they are mutually exclusive. This morning, I am feeling like I have both. I have another interview this afternoon. I have had three previous ones with different agencies in the last three weeks. It has produced a zero result. This afternoon is a panel interview, my second one ever. A thousand "what if"s are circulating in my mind. The most common one is "what if they ask me a question I don't know how to answer?" Over the past couple of days I have been wondering, "if only I stayed in Sacramento". I certainly would not be in New York if I did. I am not quite to the point of anger, but it sure has not been an easy journey. I tend to ask the '"if only" question when things aren't well. If God would show me the positive outcome of me being here, then the "if only" would have no place. However, doing so would require no faith.

Dillow's text is Jeremiah 17:5-8:

This is what the Lord says:
"Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord. He will be like a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives.” But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

"These verses present us with a contrast between a man who trusts in himself and another who not only trusts in the Lord but also makes the Lord his total trust.
First, let's look at the woman who makes flesh her strength. Surely, this is not a picture of me or you! We trust God! Or do we? When we turn to control, strategies, intelligence, and manipulation, we are trusting in ourselves. Instead of giving our anxious hearts to God, we handle the uncertainty of the What ifs of life by employing one of the control tactics mentioned above and we "help God out." Waiting is too hard, too painful, and God just works way too slow." (Dillow, 2007 p. 159)

I think of Abraham and God's promise of a son. However, years go by and there is no child. For those not familiar with the Genesis narrative, Abraham and Sarah are well advanced in years when the promise of a son is made and Sarah is barren. Sarah then offers her maidservant to her husband so that a child perhaps can come forth. I think Sarah's idea and then Abraham's willingness to listen to her advice shows that both did not totally understand that God would come through and so both decided they would help God out. Unfortunately for them, and for us, in helping God out, we rob God of His spectacular glory. We cannot manufacture miracles, only God can. It is so difficult though when a lot of time goes by and God hasn't yet shown up.

Dillow's prayer from Jeremiah 17

Oh God. You know my tendency to try to control and help You out. I know that "helping You out" is what leads to an anxious heart. Forgive me. I don't want to trust in my own strength, in my strategies. I don't want to control or manipulate. Please, God. teach me what it means to not only trust You but make You my total trust. I long to become that blessed woman whose roots are planted deep by Your river. As the heat of the trials increase, I long to trust instead of fear, to be content instead of anxious. Please keep my eyes focused on You so that my leaves will stay green and fruit will be produced in the midst of the What ifs. (pp. 159-160).

Where is our focus?

"Isaiah 41.10 declares, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." We can only trust God when our focus is on Him and not on our circumstances." (p. 160).

Dillow has three steps with the circumstances that produce worry:

1. Ask yourself what is the worst that can possibly happen.
2. Prepare to accept it if you have to.
3. Then calmly proceed to improve on the worst. (p. 163).

In my situation this afternoon it would be that the interview would be a disaster. I would not be able to work there. I would need to find another place. In the grand scheme of things it does not seem that bad, but it does not make the situation any easier. The place is about a 45 minute drive away which means about 90 minutes round trip. Towards the end of the chapter Dillow quotes the serenity prayer. I find it encouraging to meditate over.

God grant me the serenity to accept that which I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference, living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace, taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will, so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next.

So, what are your "what if"s? Give them to God and trust that He is in control.


Salvation belongs to our God
Who sits upon the throne
And unto the Lamb

Praise and glory
Wisdom and thanks
Honor and power and strength
Be to our God forever and ever
Be to our God forever and ever

Journey of Faith

It has been quite a long journey to get to where we are at. The book began by stating that contentment exists outside of our circumstances. Discontentment happens no matter what circumstances we are in whether rich or poor, married or single, old or young. The next few chapters discussed areas where we need contentment, our circumstances, our selves, our roles and our relationships. The last three chapters dealt with the three roadblocks of contentment, greed, having the wrong focus, and worry. Dillow (2007) shifts direction and discusses the opposite of worry, faith.

Dillow quotes the familiar verse from Hebrews 11 that defines faith:

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen"

Like Dillow, I think to myself, what exactly does that mean. I mean it sounds nice. What does it mean to be sure of what we hope for? What kinds of things can we hope for that we can be sure about? How can we have conviction of things we cannot see? I am sure others have a list of other questions. It is a rather abstract and unclear promise.

Dillow helps uss out with the definition:


"In the early 1900s, scholars uncovered thousands of letters, receipts, and other documents from a two-thousand-year-old Greek colony. This word assurance appeared many times. Literally translated it means "title deed." A title deed is something we own." (p. 142)

To better understand faith, Dillow uses the classic illustration of the man on the tightrope who walks across with a dog in a wheelbarrow across Niagara Falls. He does this successfully once and then asks the crowd who wants to get in the wheelbarrow. We applaud the man who does this successfully with the dog, but volunteering ourselves to be pushed requires a lot of faith. The greater the task, the greater the faith. In this case, our lives are on the line at the mercy of a stranger. The illustration shows the difference between intellectual faith and wholehearted faith. We know the man can get the job done in our minds, but wholehearted faith means raising our hand to be that volunteer.

God urges us to trust Him:

"God does not demand that you and I have blind faith, but abandoned faith, a faith that trusts Him fully. Through His Word, God willingly reveals much about who He is, what His plans are, and what He requires of us. As we come to see Him and know Him, He urges, "Trust Me." Hundreds of times in the Bible God implores us to trust Him." (p. 143)

Dillow states two important things. 1. Faith is rooted in God's character, and faith is based on God's word and not our feelings. (p. 143)

She goes on later to quote Psalm 18, verse 2. These are some amazing statements about who God is and that He is trustworthy.

The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. (PS 18:2).

Dillow makes a statement about God that shatters the grip of doubt.

"How much easier to get in when we're confident that the One we entrust ourselves to is in control, is wise, and cares deeply for us. (p. 145).

Dillow's prayer is the prayer I have for myself. My internship situation is still not clear, I have 200 hours to fulfill, and a tiny light of hope. I am trusting God to provide where I cannot.

"God, you know my feelings are going haywire; they scream and shout that this situation is terrible and that there is no hope. God, I hope in You. I can't see what You are doing, but 1 trust that You're working this situation together for good. Thank You that You have promised to use it to make me more like Christ. This is what I want ¦- it just doesn't feel good today. Give me the strength to focus my eyes on You and not on what I can see." (p. 148).


Make My Life A Prayer


Make my life a prayer to you
I wanna do what you want me to
No empty words and no white lies
No token prayers no compromise

I wanna shine the light you gave
Thru your son you sent to save us
From ourselves and our despair
It comforts me to know you're really there

Chorus
Well I wann thank you know
For being patient with me
Oh it's so hard to see
When my eyes are on me
I guess I'll have to trus
And just believe what you say
Oh you're coming again
[Make My Life a Prayer


I wanna die and let you give
Your life to me so I might live
And share the hope you gave me
The love that set me free

I wanna tell the world out there
You're not some fable or fairy tale
That I've made up inside my head
You're God the son and you've risen from the dead

Chorus

I wanna die and let you give
Your life to me so I might live
And share the hope you gave me
The love that set me free

Trusting in God’s care

(Dillow, 2007) compiled a list of quotes about worry. I really like the first one:

"Worry is like a rocking chair; it will give you something to do but it won't get you anywhere" (Dillow, 2007 p. 123).

That is so true. Worry is one of the most unproductive things to do. In fact worry is quite counter productive. Worry gets us nowhere. In fact, it can often get us further along. My current worry: first week into summer school and I am still without a field placement. I worry a lot about this because if I can't locate one, I cannot progress in the program. It is a real concern, but worry does not help.

What Dillow says next is powerful:

"When we worry, we're saying, "God can't." If we are walking in anxiety, we're not walking in faith. We want to be women of faith, yet often worry becomes our middle name. We know the agony of its clutches. We're familiar with the small trickle of fear that meanders through our minds until it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained. We must conquer this "God can't" disease" (Dillow, 2007 p. 123).

It is so true. Worry means I don't think God is going to come through. Faith is the opposite of worry. If I totally think God is going to come through, there is no reason to worry. For me, and in this particular situation it is a matter of patience and waiting. I know God has come through for me before, but He is taking an especially long time this time.

Dillow points to the familiar text from Jesus on worry:

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear'' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (emphasis mine) (MT. 6:25-34)

We are told several times to not worry. I think the excessive repetition means that Jesus really wants us to listen.

"Instead of being anxious, we are to fix our focus on God and His righteousness. Verse 34 gives a key to worry-free living. The Living Bible makes it crystal clear: "So don’t be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow too. Live one day at a time." Certainly, we are to pray, plan, and prepare for tomorrow, but we are not to worry about what might happen. The load of tomorrow added to that of yesterday, carried today, makes even the strongest woman stumble. We are to entrust all our tomorrows to Him and live just today. Walking with God through today's twenty-four hours is difficult enough "(Dillow, 2007 p. 131).

The question goes back to a running theme throughout this book, where is my focus. Am I fixing my gaze on God or on the situation I am concerned about. Often, the situation seems so much bigger than God.

Dillow then points us to 1 Peter 5:6-7:

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

I think we focus a lot on the second part. Many of us who have grown up in Christian circles have memorized v. 7. Dillow provides a comment on the previous verse.

"What does it mean to humble ourselves before the mighty hand of God? Humility means to have total trust in God alone. It is the surrender of our total being— intellect, emotion, will, plans, and judgments. It is relinquishing everything. For me, humbling myself involves yielding to God as the Blessed Controller of whatever situation or person is causing me anxiety: (Dillow, 2007 p. 132).

A surrender of my total being to God in this situation. That really places things into perspective. God knows what is best in this situation, His timing, His method, His provision. Total surrender means trusting that God knows what He is doing. We can apply this in every area of our lives. For us singe adults, it is trusting that God will provide in His timing even though the odds seem to be stacked up as years go by.

Dillow tells about a wonderful idea that we can use as a spiritual practice. She calls it her anxiety box. These are anxieties she prays through:

"Every time I see the box, stuffed with my worries, I'm reminded that God is carrying them, not me. Once or twice a year I open my box and read through the worries. I thank God for the ones He has taken care of. The others I put back in the heart-shaped box and entrust them to His timing" (Dillow, 2007 p. 134).

I love the idea. It reminds us of the things God has taken care of and it teaches us to trust us with the items that are still in the box. This is a really good reminder that God cares for us.

The song “Enough” is my prayer and song of praise this week.


Enough

You are my supply
My breath of life
Still more awesome than I know.
You are my reward
Worth living for
Still more awesome than I know.

And all of you
Is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with your love
And all I have in you is more than enough

You're my sacrifice
Of greatest price
Still more awesome than I know.
You're my coming King
You're my everything
Still more awesome than I know.

And all of you
Is more than enough for
All of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with your love
And all I have in you is more than enough
You are more than enough.

More than all I want
More than all I need
You are more than enough for me.
More than all I know
More than all I can see
You are more than enough for me.
More than all I want
More than all I need
You are more than enough for me.
More than all I know
More than all I can see
You are more than enough.

All of you
Is more than enough for
All of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with your love
And all I have in you. (Oh Yeah)
And all I have in you. (Jesus)
And all I have in you is more than enough.
More than enough.